OH NO!!! It's Easter Time Again! Eeeeeek! Whitney Disapproves!!!

Easter. Ugh. My least favorite holiday of the year. And yes--I did use this exact same picture for my blog post last Easter. It's funny. When something is funny, you can repeat it. However, since some of you might be bored by this picture, I'm going to post this next one just for you...

You're welcome.

Wait!

This one was funny, too...

And this bunny probably struts around with his wife's Prada purse when she isn't looking.

**SIGH**

I don't like Easter. I'm not trying to be rude by saying it. I know that I probably offended people last year when I wrote my "Hippity Hoppity Easter's On Its Way" blog--pretty much stating the same thing. Not a big fan. It's the only  holiday where they mix two of my least favorite things together--off'ing Jesus, and wiggly ham. Then they sugarcoat it all with pastel colors and TV commercials where bunny rabbits bock like chickens, and all the churches of the world feel it necessary to show clips from "Passion of the Christ". I missed that movie the first go-'round...on purpose.

"But Whitney! You go to church! You're supposed to like that Easter holiday thingy!" I don't though. As a matter of fact, I take a 4-5 week vacation from church every Easter holiday. My daughter, Paige, actually texted me today and said, "Mom, you do realize that Easter isn't until April 8th, right?" Um...I am well aware. I have scheduled my mandatory Easter holiday from church to extend past April 8th, 2012. I'll be back with bells on as of Sunday, April 15th. It's actually better that I do this. I didn't used to take so many weeks off, but I actually got up and walked out of a graphic church service last year and that was when I instituted my "Mandatory Annual Easter Holiday Church Vacation Extension" (hereafter known as MAEHCVE).

 My kids were with me in church that day. They showed some clips of movies and things on the big screen that gave them (and me) nightmares for the next month--true story. They'd flash gory pictures of Jesus, then some picture of a buzzard getting ready to peck some poor little Ethiopian kid's head. Then some other awful picture that made me want to puke. Then the clips from the Passion of the Christ. Maybe I am just a total pansy and need to find the Fuzzy Easter Bunny and Chickadee church. I can't flippin' handle it. Of course when I was 8 years old I ran out of my church screaming on Easter one Sunday for the same reason. Good to see not a lot has changed. I feel like I'm growing. NOT!

I know some of you probably think I am depriving my family of important church teaching during this extended church vacation. You're probably right, too. See, before I decided to start going back to church I had kind of kicked around the idea of finding a church and attending again. I started going to church services at random churches here and there. Knowing how much I dislike Easter, I had decided to not go that year (par for the course...it's against my religion). However, since I hadn't been a avid church goer in a few years I decided to ask the twins (who were 6 at the time) a question on Easter morning. I asked, "Hey, who can tell me why we celebrate Easter?" Chloe responded by going off about the Easter Bunny, egg hunts, and chickadees. Emma promptly interrupted her and yelled, "NO IT'S NOT, CHLOE! Easter is where we celebrate Jesus getting shot and coming back to life!!!!"

It was at this point that I realized my children would benefit from attending church--even if I had to take a small holiday around Easter every year. If for no other reason than to get their story straight. This gang banger idea that they had that someone popped a cap in Jesus was just not going to fly on Judgement Day--and I'm pretty sure The Big Man would know who to point the finger at for that one. I already have a long list of things I need to apologize for on that day. This didn't need to be added to the list of groveling.

Now that we have been attending church regularly again my children have some clue as to what is going on with respect to the God/Jesus scene. They also don't call the giant illuminated cross up on the mountainside by our house "The Arrow" anymore. See!!! Progress!!!

So yes...still not going there. Another year of ditching church at Easter. All you Easter lovin' peeps can enjoy your Passion Plays, your fuzzy bunnies, and your wiggly ham again...without me. You can go ahead and pass your judgement now. Jesus still loves me, this I know, for the big thick book that can often times be really difficult to read and understand told me so.

**HAPPY EASTER SEASON, PEEPS!**
get it?...Peeps? Har har.

FAST TIMES AT MADISON HIGH: An Update On The Latest Happenins In The Madison/Graham Hizzle

 

**SOMETIMES I WISH THIS WERE THE CASE!!**

Howdy, people. This is my "every once in a while" literary puke onto my blog about how life is going around the Madison/Graham house. Some of you are probably like, "Whitney! You're a Facebook junkie! We see 900 status updates per month! We don't need to know anymore!" Whelp...if you feel this way, I am sorry. However, you're the one on my blog, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I HAVE TO SAY!!! Or just click the X in the corner and bail. See if I care. Wait! I do care. Ok...maybe only a little. I figure the only people who read this type of update are people who are genuinely interested in my life. Or for people who want more dirt on me so they can be like, "OMG, Becky. Look at that blog. It is so big...". Big? Ok, that was a stretch. However, my blog is getting kind of big. According to my stats I have at least 3 views on my blog from Macedonia, one from Turkey, and 2 from Saudi Arabia today. I'm frickin' huge! Taking the world by storm one blog post at a time!

I'm full of crap. I was just making that stuff up. I realize I'm a small jelly bean in a sea of Jelly Bellies as far as the blogging world goes. But I really did get three hits from Macedonia today. **HOLLA!* Now where's a map so I can remind myself where Macedonia is? Oh!...there it is.

Some of you probably read my blog yesterday--the one where I was popping off about finances and our nation's corrupt welfare system. I am kind of cranky because of tax season. Not just because of the tax penalty I get this year, but also because the IRS loves to rake me over the coals annually for working all of my extra shifts. I really should try to be more of a slacker. I'd actually be rewarded for all of my lack of effort. 

I am glad that I have a trip booked to Kauai in the next couple of weeks. I think I'm going to make it mandatory to take one of my annual vacations during tax season every year. That way at least I can get all sorts of PO'd at the IRS while simultaneously sipping pina coladas.

So where to start!?? Tristan and I broke up last fall/early winter (probably both). I think it was our 7,289th breakup since we started dating in January of 2009. I'm sure there's a whole slew of people in the 49th state who would like to peg this as a good indicator of the future of our relationship spiraling down the toilet faster than a roll of Charmin bath tissue in the hands of a toddler, but **BIG SHRUG**. The 3,000 mile distance has nearly killed us REPETITIVELY during this relationship. Somehow we have managed to survive. However... **drum roll please**

HE'S MOVING DOWN HERE! No, I didn't threaten him. This was actually his idea. He told me in December that he would be moving to Colorado, and he'll be here on March 11th! I'm excited. However, I'm nervous. I don't know why I'm nervous. After all, he was one of my best friends in college, we've known each other for 14+ years, and dated for 3+ of those years.

Great News!!!:  Tristan is able to keep his job up in Palmer, Alaska, upon his move to Colorado. He is a mechanical engineer up there, and he designs machines from the ground up that blast the airplane tire rubber off of runways and aircraft carriers. This isn't ALL he does, but kind of the gist. He designs a lot of machines, actually. His main thing though is that he takes big manly vehicles, breaks them, designs vacuum/suction/hydro powered blaster thingymabobbers, and then somehow makes them into machines that blast the holy living snot out of airline tire rubber from where planes touchdown. He has designed/built for Anchorage International Airport, and the Navy. Do you like my awesome, super technical description of what he does? He's a very smart man. If I tried to do what he does you would end up with a SuperSoaker attached to a Kia Optima. Then I'd be fired. However, I don't know that he can help deliver babies like I can...

I am still working in Labor and Delivery at the hospital. I still pick up a couple of shifts per month on the cardiac/telemetry unit as well. This has two purposes. The first is that it what helps to pay for all the fun things I do in my life, as well as feed my savings account. The second is that it helps me keep up nursing skills that I might otherwise lose in labor and delivery. I love my job in labor and delivery. Every delivery is different, and exciting. I love going back to the OR for C-sections. I love that I am always learning new things. I like going back over to the cardiac unit because it allows me to keep up on my EKG certification by having almost all of my patients on heart monitors, and I deal with problems affecting every body system, perform periodic wound care, and just see a whole host of things I don't see on the labor deck. It's stuff I would lose if I didn't actually experience it every once in a while.

Still loving my house that I moved back into last July. It is the same house I lived in after my divorce. I had to downsize for two years while I was undergoing surgery, but it feels good to be back in the place I love! 4 bedrooms/3 baths with gorgeous mountain views. It gives my family the space that we need to function without wanting to poke each other's eyeballs out (though we continue to threaten one another from time to time, regardless...).

**Our Hizzle**

Tristan just (mostly) finished his house that he was building up in Alaska. We will likely be flying up to Palmer, Alaska, in May or June to finish everything up. It's a great house! We actually designed it together while I was in the hospital undergoing my surgeries during the end of 2009 and into 2010. He has 4 acres of property up there that are on a hilltop. The property looks out over a beautiful mountain range. He put huge windows in the front of the house so this view could be taken in. It's a lovely 3 bedroom, 3 bath, 3 car garage home that is located in between Palmer and Wasilla, Alaska (AKA Sarah Palinville). And NO...you can't see Russia from there.

This is how his house looked the last time I saw it:

Can't wait to see it the next time! He is actually all moved over there now, and there is flooring, bathrooms, a kitchen, carpet, hardwoods, etc! It is going to be a big surprise for me to see! :)

**UPDATE ON THE KIDS** 

Paige: Paige is 20 now. She is attending Red Rocks Community College to get her pre-reqs out of the way before heading to CSU. She wants to be a book editor. She is working full time at Wendy's, and seems to be liking her job. She has a good sense of humor about most things, and is a ton of fun to be around. I love going out to lunch with her, catching up on gossip, new men she is dating, and then telling her how stupid most men are after breakups (sorry for you not-so-stupid men). Paige is looking forward to our trip to Kauai, and is also taking a road trip to Vegas with a few of her gal pals this spring break. She's a happy camper.

Beau: **SIGH** Don't know where to start with this one. He still doesn't like his mom. We went head-to-head after my trip to Maui last summer. I had just moved into my new house. He was supposed to be with my parents during that time. However, he ended up at my place. He wouldn't return anyone's phone calls. Nobody knew where he was. Long story short-- he completely trashed my place. I came home to find the biggest frat/sorority party ever thrown in my new, clean home. I had a few things to say about this (as you can imagine). He hasn't spoken to me since. Well that's not true--he hasn't spoken to me NICELY since. He missed Christmas and his birthday with me this year. It's been sad and frustrating, but must be those growing pains that every other parent in the world experiences. He did graduate from highschool, and turned 18 in December. He feels like he should take on the world by himself at this time, and blames me for every bad thing that's ever happened to him. I think this is how Dr. Phil got his day job. Hopefully he'll come around over time. It's frutrating and heartbreaking. :(

**Beau with me**

**Beau in a play up in Conifer**

Chloe: Chloe is now 9 years old! She's the tallest person in all of 4th grade! If this kid doesn't stop growing I'm going to have to get a place that has larger vaulted ceilings! She won her school spelling bee last year (in third grade), and this year came in second! She went to the area bee both times, and did great this year! She plays basketball and soccer. She started taking piano lessons, and is doing a great job at playing. She also continues to be a great artist, and a great writer (her pen name is Hope Sprites)!

Emma: Emma is my firecracker in a bottle. I've got my work cut out with this kid. She has all the sass of her mom, and her older sister. However, it manifests itself in the form of a 9 year old. Can we say, "precocious"? Cuz that's what she is. She is a ton of fun to be around, but there are days where I can't handle some of the huge doses of EMMA that she deals out. She does make me laugh though. Today I looked at my phone and under my Google search it said, "I love cheese". I asked the kids, "Who Googled "I love cheese?"" Emma said, "I did!" I asked her WHY? She said, "Because I love it!" LOL! See what I deal with every day? It was hilarious. Maybe you had to be there, but I guess I was expecting a different answer. She continues to play basketball and soccer. She is also doing very well in school. She's a great kid.

I continue to paint. I love it. I like coming up with new ways to make things pop off canvas. I love painting in bright colors, and most of you know that my main theme in painting revolves all around my love for Hawaii. I've managed to set up a great website for my online art gallery
www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl
 and my sales are going well! I've done custom orders, and had a ton of fun with it. It's very relaxing for me!

I'm feeling much better after having major surgery in both 2009, and 2010! After thinking I was going to die for nearly a year after being so sick, losing so much blood, and literally being gray in color, I AM FEELING GREAT! Not 100% yet, but much, MUCH better! I was actually able to start running outside again after my surgery. Most of you know I'm an avid trail runner. I can't wait to hit Red Rocks this spring/summer, and tear it up!

I finally let the cat out of the bag on a recent blog that I had my entire colon removed in October of 2009, and had my final reconstructive surgery in January of 2010. I am not shy about it EVER when I'm talking to people, so I figured, "Why not just announce it to the world that I'm a freak of nature now?" LOL! True. I talk to a lot of people who are now, or once were afflicted with the same disease I had (ulcerative colitis--autoimmune disease where the immune system of the body literally attacks the lining of the colon for no apparent reason, and rips patches of tissue out of it, or "ulcerates" it). I remember feeling very alone when I had it--no one talked about it! It was hard to find a ton of information on it, let alone personal stories. Then people started coming out of the woodwork after I started being not-so-shy about it anymore. It's been great to help others who I know have the same condition, and to let them know that they do have other alternatives besides harmful medications that only "suppress" the condition (and some of the meds are super harmful). Even though losing a major piece of my GI tract seems extreme and super scary, it's been a blessing to not have to deal with the disease anymore. Having the surgery to get rid of the stupid thing (my colon) was way better than having the disease ever was. The recovery takes years--I'm still on the path. Each day is better and better. Every year that passes I say, "WOW!!! This is SO much better than last year!". My doc told me it would be that way. No surprise!

Some of you know that because of the intense medication I took during my illness that it messed with my heart, and sent me in and out of ventricular tachycardia--a deadly rhythm that can lead to cardiac arrest. After all of my GI surgeries I ended up in the cardiac cath lab having my heart laser ablated so I wouldn't peace out due to the ventricular tachycardia. I am proud to report that I have had no issues since my cardiac laser ablation. It is such a blessing. It's also nice not to have my heart pounding out of my chest!

Here is a picture of me with Chloe right after my initial surgery--my complete colectomy. It didn't look so hot. This was October of 2009.

And here is a picture of Tristan and me at Seven Sacred Pools in Hana on Maui. This was taken in August of 2010--not too long after all three of my surgeries (10 months after!). It felt so good to be able to lead a "normal" life again!!!

GUESS WHAT???

We're headed back to Hawaii!!! March 23 we will touch down in Kauai! I CANNOT WAIT! This will be my third trip to Hawaii since my surgery. We are going to tear it up on our surfboards and boogie boards!!! Stay tuned for all the pics!

To sum everything up, it has been a blessed few years. At times I was certain I would lose my mind, or my life. However, I thank God for the blessings he has bestowed upon me and my family, and for the opportunity to live life to the fullest.

**CHEERS!**

"I Wanna Be A Billionaire So Frickin' Bad" A Blog About Money, Honey...

Money. Or like the song says, "Money Money Money Money....MON-EY!"

I'll stop singing now. By now you've probably guessed today's topic.

Ahhhhhh, money. We all need it. Most of us have some. Some of us have a lot of it. Some of us have a little of it. Some of us have jack diddly squat.

Why are people so stupid with money? I'm not trying to be rude by saying that, and I'm also not trying to come off as being an awesome financial advisor who has everything all figured out. Everybody has money issues. Whether you have a lot of it, a little of it, or none of it

YOU'VE GOT ISSUES!

I drive out to Aurora for work. For those of you who don't know where Aurora is relative to my current place of residency IT'S REALLY FRICKIN' FAR AWAY. It feels like my tri-weekly drive to Kansas. Along the way I see about 100 people with cardboard signs just like this fine gentleman above.

Panhandlers. What would the street corners be like without them? Every time I get ready to get to this part of town I make sure to lock my door--just in case one of them decides to get unruly when I ignore them completely. My favorite is the panhandler who is sitting there smoking a cigarette and talking on his cell phone. Actually, I've seen something new lately, too! Teen and twenty something year old panhandlers! Why not?!!! It's free money, and people are actually stupid enough to read your signs and believe your pathetic stories...WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU ACTUALLY GO TO WORK?

Yes, I'm a little bitter with all the begging that our society does, and all the "Poor me!!!" that goes along with free handouts. Why is it that I go to work and bust my butt, yet so many think they deserve my money--for no reason? It doesn't matter if it's a panhandler or Uncle Sam. Same diff.

I've been pretty pissy about money lately. It's tax season. There's a reason why I'm super pissy this tax season, and I'll tell you why in a bit. However, in the meantime, seeing as though I work in health care, I've been pretty pissy about the free handouts our government provides for anybody and everybody--including all of Mexico. This is where you're probably like, "Oh Whitney! Are you racist?" Um...no. However, I think our government system for Medicaid, and Welfare are totally corrupt.

Why aren't people allowed to be poor anymore? I know that sounds heartless of me, but seriously! I get that some people get hit hard, and get down on their luck, and need help from time to time. But what about those who plead "helpless" for their entire lives? You know, the ones who can tell you what they just saw on the last 5 episodes of Jerry Springer because that's all the do all day is watch daytime TV and sit on their butts!

Why is it that people who don't work get paid by our government as if they do? Free health care. Free groceries. Free visa cards that let you take out cash out of ATM machines for cigarettes and alcohol. And yes, just FYI, our country does provide emergency Medicaid for anyone from Mexico who "needs it". Did you know that? It kind of rubbed me the wrong way when I got into health care. I see hundreds of dollars taken out of my paycheck every month for health insurance, yet if you make a run for the border you get it for free!!!

Guess what? Our topic in church today was money. Don't I sound like Scrooge? Ugh. I can barely stand myself. No, I'm not going to go all "God" on you today. However, some very good things were brought up today on the topic of money that can be helpful to anyone.

Do you stress out about money? You're not alone. Money stresses most people out. Some of you might have seen my blog last month about my New Year's resolution to myself to be to increase my savings account. I decided that I wasn't going to be able to save enough money fast enough to retire when I wanted to retire. Some of you know that I'm on an 8 year plan to move to Hawaii. It's not going to happen if I can't make my bank account grow at a more rapid rate. So what did I do? I got motivated and decided to figure out a way to add to my bank account.

There's a key piece of information in that last paragraph. I GOT MOTIVATED AND DECIDED TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO ADD TO MY BANK ACCOUNT. Do you know why I did this? Because NOBODY'S GOING TO DO IT FOR ME!!!

Do you ever feel like you get "STUCK"? Like a situation is completely helpless, and you don't know how you're going to get yourself out of it? Are you one of those people who sits there and feels sorry for yourself about it? Or do you kick yourself in the butt to actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? Let me put this bluntly: CHRONIC WELFARE JUNKIES are people who sit around feeling sorry for themselves, and expect that other people are obligated to bail them out. MOTIVATED PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO GO PLACES IN LIFE, get off their dead butts, dust themselves off, and figure out a better way to make things happen. Which one are you?

I had said before that I understand that people can go through periods in their lives where they are down on their luck. I don't disagree with people helping them through these times. We are supposed to want to help each other through this life. Unfortunately, in the process, we've also enabled a lot of people to become big fat slugs. Sorry I can't be more eloquent about it, but I can't.

I know that a lot of you are going to get your panties in a bunch about this, but I think this is where it would be GREAT if we had some sort of socialized medicine in our country. I know someone who once said, "I have a relative who needed surgery in Canada and the government actually did a cost/benefit analysis on her life prior to surgery!" Really? I think it would be fabulous if they did this. Take for instance someone who is diabetic. If you take care of yourself, check your blood sugar, and eat a healthy, diabetic diet--HEALTH CARE FOR YOU! If you're a diabetic who sits around eating carbs all day and sucking down Laffy Taffy--NO HEALTH CARE FOR YOU!! Why should we collectively have to pay for people who choose not to take care of themselves? It happens all too often in health care. As a matter of fact, once upon a time I had a patient's family tell me that they couldn't afford to buy bananas that were recommended to increase their family member's potassium intake. Most people would be like, "Man, you have to be pretty flipping poor not to be able to afford bananas!!!" and this is SO true! However, my sympathy went out the window when they stepped out the door to have a cigarette right after that conversation.

I realize that my griping and moaning about health care is not going to fix our country's problems. I also realize that going off about panhandlers isn't going to motivate them to change their career ambitions. What I do want to do is light a fire under people who are sitting the fence with frustration about their finances. There are two options--roll over an play dead, or get your butt in gear. Nobody can fix your problems for you. I don't care how many Power Ball tickets you buy. I don't care how many food stamps you cash in. GET YOUR BUTT OUT THERE AND FIX YOUR PROBLEMS.

When I was in Maui a couple of years ago I had to wait in line at the grocery store for a long time. Why? Because there was a gal there doing her grocery shopping with food stamps. Most people would be like, "Awww...poor thing!" Me? I was like, "Hurry the hell up, girl--you're wasting my time, and my money!" Of course I didn't say this out loud, but I was certainly thinking it. Why was I so heartless? Because this girl had gorgeous highlights--not the kind out of the box. Straight out of the hair salon. She also had the most beautiful manicured toes and fingernails. Then she pulled her food stamps out of the prettiest Coach purse I'd seen that season. Yep...this is why I was pissed. Well, that and the waves were really good that day and I didn't feel like being in line at the grocery store while Paris Hilton was coughing up her food stamps.

"Well Whitney, you sound like you have a lot of issues when it comes to needy people." I do. Especially people who are needy but who want for nothing because it's all free (compliments of all the tax-paying Americans).

Where is our ambition as people? Why do we expect other people to fix the crap situations we create for ourselves? Is that how we want to live? Totally dependent, worthless, and needy?

So what do you do if you're not making ends meet? You look at your situation, rethink it, and figure out how to make them meet...THAT'S HOW! Maybe you have to work more. I get that most people don't want to do this, but for crying out loud...SUCK IT UP!

I am a single mom. Am I on welfare? NO. Do I receive child support? NO. Do I have food stamps? NO. What I DO do is work--really flipping hard. See...I like stuff. Stuff is good. I'm ok without it, but I prefer to have it. I don't have to have the BEST-OF-THE-BEST of everything, and if I do have that then it's usually because I found a great deal on it. I have a pretty nice lifestyle--and I didn't even make any of you guys pay for it! Wasn't that nice of me? How is this possible then? Because I make sure I work hard enough to make my life happen. If I had to flip burgers at the local fast food joint I would do whatever it took to make my family go forward without making the rest of the U.S. pay for it.

"Whitney, maybe you just don't understand how bad some people have it!" Really? Here's a little news flash for you if you think this. I've never had it easy. I'm not drowning in debt. I don't have student loans. I own a good portion of my vehicle. However, "having it easy" is not a way I would describe my life. I think this is why I have very little sympathy for people who sit around and either A.) feel sorry for themselves, and/or B.) leach off the system.

"Your life can't be THAT hard, Whitney! I've seen your high heels!" Yep. I have a lot of them. However, I don't have a colon. Some of you are like, "WHAT?" and some of you are probably like, "OVERSHARE!!!". Either way, it's true. This is part of the reason why I'm pissed off at the IRS this year. Not because they took my colon away from me, but they are penalizing me for cashing out one of my retirement accounts that I used to pay 20K for the doctors to take my colon away. And NO...I don't have a bag-o-crap hanging off the side of my body. But yes...I only have a small intestine left. And NO...you don't get to take an X-ray of me to figure out how this is humanly possible. If you have an extra 100K lying around, take it to the GI surgeon and see if he can do the same for you if you're that interested.

See...I got really sick a couple of years ago. I was on what felt like my death bed. I actually wanted to die. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. I'm probably one of the few people who actually prayed to die before undergoing surgery--true story. Not only was it a terrifying/devastating surgery that was going to take years to recover from, but it was a surgery that cost over $100K, and this didn't include all the IV infusion therapy treatments I was having to undergo prior to. I had health insurance. I had an 80/20 split percentage-wise with my insurance company. When the bill is $100 that doesn't sound so bad! When it's $100K the story is a little different. So yes, here I was--the sickest I've ever been in my life, and I was going to have to have a devastating surgery, and to boot I was going to get to pay through the nose for it.

So what did I do? I had the surgery (no, I didn't die--in case you were wondering). Then I went back to work so that I could support my family after about a month out of work. I looked like hell. I felt like hell. However, it needed to be done, so I did it. I actually knew a guy who had the same surgery and he was like, "Awww...you can just go on disability like I did until you feel better!" Really?? When did my colon become everyone else's problem? I guess I could've taken the easy road...but I guess it just felt like my issue, not the rest of tax-paying America.

I ended up cashing out one of my retirement accounts so I could pay for my surgery. And of course, the bank, and the IRS are penalizing me for it, but it needed to be done. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I feel entitled to get pissed off at people who milk the system. My sympathy runs dry pretty quickly. I don't have time to listen to people gripe about their financial situations if they aren't going to do anything about fixing them. Just FYI...you're not the only one who has hard times in your life. It's life! Life is hard! Get a frickin' helmet!

Luckily I still have my 401K. My work sends me paperwork every year that has my "projected age of retirement" on it and it currently sits at age 64. What? Um, that isn't gonna happen!!! Not if I can help it! I'm moving to Hawaii, and I'm going to retire about 10 years earlier than that projection. How? Because I'm going to figure out how to make it happen. When I set my mind to something ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

I remember lying on my board in Hawaii last summer thinking to myself, "OMG...if you had told me before my surgery that I would be lying here in the ocean, in my bikini, able to do what I'm doing right now I WOULD'VE THOUGHT YOU WERE CRAZY!" I would've also probably not asked God to kill me prior to that surgery. I find that when I am down on my luck, or down on life, that is when I get lifted back up. I also get super motivated to change things that aren't working for me. If we could all just reach inside and MOTIVATE this world would be a pretty amazing place.

Pick yourselves up, people. If you want to change your financial situation then MAKE IT HAPPEN. Sitting around waiting for it to change itself isn't even worth wasting your time.

YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS...
(so get out there and start doing them)

And PS...I'm fine after my surgery. Not 100% yet, but getting better all the time. And I never have to have a colonoscopy like the rest of you sorry suckers.  **BAZINGA** ;)

**NEW PAINTING**: PRAY FOR SURF: Painting No. 1 In A Series By Artist, Whitney Madison

Painting No. 1 in a new series by artist, Whitney Madison--"PRAY FOR SURF". Signature handcrafted frame (12"X12"), by artist, Whitney Madison. This painting is fully texturized in my signature style, and is in sherbet orange and raspberry tones. $75

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl

        

Satin ribbon lines the interior perimeter, and is embellished with Swarovski crystals.

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl



The waves are in a sparkle high gloss glaze that gives them a "shimmer". The entire painting is coated in a high gloss glaze for protection. 

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl

    

It is perfect for any room, and tempting to touch! Inspiration for any surfer. *Peace*Love*Surf* Pray for Surf!  $75

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl

Relationship v. Religion: Going Through The Motions

I'm not a big fan of organized religion. There are numerous things that rub me the wrong way about what some people do, or think they are REQUIRED to do to show love for The Big Guy and stay on the straight and narrow of eternal progression. Some of you are probably like, "Well goodness knows YOU'RE perfect, Whitney--tell us all about what we have to do, God Girl" (**insert eyeballs rolling** statements about being full of crap**and generalized heckling**). To those who think I'm here to give you the 411 on perfection that leads to the path to exaltation, you will probably end up disappointed by this blog.

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS

Does your church service require you to get down on your knees? Do you pray with beads? Do you not drink coffee for God? Does your priest wear huge robes and have people following them up and down the aisle with candles and crosses? Do you go to confession? Do you get baptized with water via "the little dab'll do ya" method, or with the "Nestea plunge" method? Do you feel like you have to throw your hands up in the air (and wave 'round like ya just don't care) in order to praise God?

I grew up in the Presbyterian church. We used to recite all sorts of stuff during the church service. I think they were supposed to be prayers, but once you memorize a prayer, and say it 250 times, it loses a little somethin'. It starts to feel more like you should be living in a cage having people feeding you crackers and calling you "Polly".

How about communion? Is it a huge thing where you go to the front of the church with a bunch of people, get on your knees, and have your priest "pass the cup" around (Nurse Whitney disapproves of this "share-zees" method...I'm just sayin'). Does your church do the "pass the plate" and take the bread and the juice while simultaneously telling your neighbor that "this is His body/His blood broken/shed for you"? Do you go to the church where you get honest to goodness, for real WINE with your communion (rumor has it that it's Port wine...puke...why not Merlot?)? Or do you go to the church that doesn't want anything to do with wine, so they bless water instead?

How about going through the motions of life? Do you help old ladies cross the street and see who is watching your good deed? Do you work at the soup kitchen so you can put another check on your "To Do" list to secure your spot in heaven? Do you donate to your local charities so that you can lift weight off of your conscience and pat yourself on the back?

"OMG, Whitney!!!!! You have pretty much dogged on every single sect of the Christian faith, and good deeds done by man thus far!!!" I know. I'm a huge jerk. I'm not really trying to be, so much as I am trying to make a point.

We are continuing our series at church called, "Weird: Because Normal Isn't Working". Don't all those "Going Through The Motions" things that I just brought up seem kind of "normal" for church? Sometimes it can be a little annoying. Sometimes it can be a lot annoying. Perhaps it's the reason that some of us don't go to church altogether. It can seem like a well choreographed production.

You've seen the TV evangelists, right? I have a gal at work who always puts the God channel on at night--in every available hospital room. Sometimes I feel like I've secured my ticket to hell just because I can't stop laughing at the CRAZY idiocy that I see on some of those programs. We humans are pretty good at shooting ourselves in the foot religion-wise with some of our extremist behavior for "the sake of worshiping God" and recruiting others to "join His team".

Anyway, a lot of people go through the motions. And then if you don't go through the motions with everyone else you end up looking like an ungrateful dork who is too good to go through the motions. Like the black sheep among the sea of white sheep (sheep can swim?...hmmm). 

I get that. I struggle with it myself. I go to a very enthusiastic church where people throw their hands up in the air to praise God. I'm the one who sits there looking like a dork because I don't. Is it because I'm a rebellious punk? No. Is it because I think they all look goofy and I don't want to look goofy cuz I'm way too cool for that? No. I just have never worshiped that way, and I don't affiliate my praising God with that motion, so I don't do it. I have also seen a lot of people do it in the past just to fit in with the cool kids--because everyone else was doing it. "Whitney, I liked it better when we had the option of saying you didn't praise God this way because you're a big jerk." Ok. Fair enough. Fire away, my friends. Moving on...

"Um...Whitney...why did you title this "Relationship v. Religion" if you're only going to blabber at us about religion?" I'm so glad you asked!!!! Cuz  now I'm going to blabber at you about relationships, too!

**RELATIONSHIPS**

Ahhhhhh...LOVE.

 Love is something you can depend on.

It's undying--unrelenting.

It never fails!

It's a beautiful thing!

Ok...maybe these photos were not the best way to prove my point. As a matter of fact, our investment in human relationships can often lead to disappointment. WHY? I'm not really sure, but I am going to go out on a limb and blame a little bit of it on us simply being human. As a matter of fact, more often than not they are HUMAN based, and not GOD based.

We kind of "go through the motions" in our relationships, too. We see someone. We like what we see. Maybe they make us laugh. Maybe they are intriguing to talk to. Maybe we start to date them.

We go out on some dates. After going out on a few (or few million) of these, then we decide that we should get married. Why not? It's the natural progression of things, right? Life's too long not to have someone to do your laundry and listen to you gripe about your day, right?

Then you have kids. Some people have kids because they really want kids. Others have kids because they are married, and isn't that what you're supposed to do at some point when you're married? Everyone else is doing it! You don't want to stand out and be one of THOSE people who are actually married and don't have kids! They'll call you a DINK (Double Income No Kids)!! You won't fit in! You'll have nothing to talk about with your "married friends", because your married friends want to talk about how they put Cheerios in the toilet so that little Johnny could work on his "aim" with potty training by shooting breakfast cereal with his pee! And then there are those people who have kids but "weren't really trying to have kids" (minus the frivolous sex part that involves using your reproductive organs--hence the name). Whoops.

Relationships can be tough. They put a lot of undo pressure on us. It's hard when people actually EXPECT us to be a certain way, or do certain things for them. It's hard when people have built us up in their mind to be a certain way--a way that we struggle to maintain FOR THEM...not for us. We are people pleasers. Between going through the motions for life, and going through the motions for religion THIS LIFE CAN BE EXHAUSTING.

So why don't you stop? Stop living a life that looks like what everyone else thinks your life should look like.

HOW DO I DO THAT????

Take your focus off yourself and start living more for God. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Wait...NO IT'S NOT! THAT'S A TOTAL LOAD OF CRAP!!! Living more for God is actually one of the easiest things you can possibly do. Is work stressing you out? Give it up to God. Does your relationship suck? Give it up to God. Are you worried about finances? Give it up to God. The more you start inviting God to your party ( your life party), the more you will realize that he really doesn't care if you sent out Gucci invitations, or sneezed in a napkin and wrote, "Dear God, please come to my party" on it. He'll be there! Why? Because He is a people pleaser!

 I was reflecting on this today during our church sermon. One of my pastors had said, "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit--imagine! Three beings in one!" It made me think. Then it made me OVERTHINK.

See, I grew up in the Presbyterian church, but at one point had converted to the Mormon church. To this day, there are still some things that make more sense to me from the Mormon church than ever did in the Christian church (and this goes vise versa, too). What my pastor had brought up was one of those goofy things I can't wrap my head around. See--in the Mormon church there is the concept of the Godhead. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Three separate, unique beings that work together as one--this sort of "synergistic" relationship. This makes perfect sense to me. I understand this. However, I have always struggled with the concept of the Trinity--Father, Son, Holy Ghost as one being split into three. It's like Voldemort from Harry Potter with the horcruxes. It freaks me out! I don't know why it bothers me so much. I think part of it is just that it's really hard for me to wrap my head around Jesus pleading with Himself (God) while he was hanging on the cross. Like celestial schizophrenia or something.

Then it was followed by a sermon given by my other pastor who made it very clear that THIS IS THE VERY POINT of the RELATIONSHIP V. RELIGION concept!!!! It's getting caught up in the logistics, and the motions of things, instead of the actual relationship with God. RELIGION dictates concepts, and motions. It deals out rules, and regulations. It deals out expectations, and things that you need to achieve to get into heaven. The RELATIONSHIP is where the focus should be. The focus should be on GRACE. The focus should be on LOVE. Some of you are probably like, "Um, Whitney...I don't have a whole lot of either of those things...does this mean I'm screwed?" The answer is NO! Why? Because there is actually Someone out there who has these two things in abundance!  This same Someone also happens to think you're worth showering with these things! And no...it's not Micheal Bolton. Sorry. Guess again...  

We get so caught up in the logistics of RELIGION that we forget why we showed up to praise God in the first place. I've kind of adopted the "whatever floats your boat" philosophy with respect to going through the motions of religion. When you truly believe in God, and in the grace of God, then all the other fluffy stuff just seems a little, well...fluffy.

DON'T BE FLUFFY! (well...you can lift your hands to praise God like Fluffy if that's how you roll...)

Make your focus and your priority what YOU do to maintain your relationship with God. Don't go through the motions. Don't be a lemming! Don't do what others are doing just for the sake of doing it! Be different! Be YOU for the sake of HIM. He made you! He already thought you were worth enough of his time to put you together the way that He did. Enjoy it!

And don't get so caught up in the fast pace of everything in this life that it ends up kicking your tail or else you'll end up like this guy. Give it up to God. Then take a breather knowing that the most important pieces of the puzzle are already in place.

**Peace**

*Ka-CHING!!!* Guess Who Just Fed The Pig?

I had a little bit of time on my hands last week. This is RARE for me (hecklers, this is where you insert a snarky comment about how much time I spend on Facebook).

"Well Whitney...don't keep us hanging here! We can't wait to hear what you did with your spare time!" I know, people. Try to control your enthusiasm. It's a comin'...

I made a New Year's resolution this year. Most of the time they are the biggest joke ever, but I've actually done pretty well with keeping the last couple that I have made. This year's resolution was TO SAVE MORE MONEY.

I realize that some of you are probably doubled over, rolling around on the floor laughing at me. Yes, I like stuff. I like to buy stuff. I like to shop. I love my pedicures. I love my waxing. I love my hair salon. I have a SICK obsession with shoes. I love Ralph Lauren perfume. I love Tiffany & Co. I love monogrammed RL bath towels. Oh!...and don't forget my mandatory two trips per year to Hawaii.

I am keenly aware that I'm really good at spending money. That is partially why I decided to challenge myself to go above and beyond this year to save more of it. It's pretty impressive, too. I've found ways to cut back on some simple things without feeling like I'm going to suffer major trauma from self deprivation. But I wanted to do something more...

Here's what didn't work: I tried my hand at extreme couponing, but after, I decided most of the stuff they give you coupons for is absolute crap that's going to make my butt big so that next year's resolution will have to be to lose weight (run on sentence). NO THANK YOU. 

What does work: eBay. I hate junk. Unfortunately, most of us have it in abundance. I am a neat freak, and I really, REALLY don't like having clutter around my home. I am meticulous about going through my/my kids' closet each season and weeding out the things that either don't fit, or should be on the TLC show, "What Not To Wear".

I'm also hyper paranoid about accumulating crap. Have you ever seen those commercials for that show, "Hoarding: Buried Alive"? I have. They scare the holy living crud monkeys out of me. They make my skin start to crawl. I feel like every time I accidentally "catch" one of those commercials that I become extremely OCD in the other direction. I clean house like a madwoman. After seeing one, I even freaked out at my daughter for dropping a Pepperidge Farm Goldfish on the floor. I went off about rats, and roaches, and all sorts of things that could possibly wiggle into my home on a mission to eat one flipping goldfish that was now residing under the coffee table in the living room.

I realize that this was probably overkill as far as emotional responses go, but go big, or go home, right? Back to eBay. 

I decided for kicks and grins to go through my house and start de-junking it. There's not a crap ton of junk to go through, but enough to experiment with on eBay. I decided that, if by chance it would sell, that I would open a savings account and sink all the proceeds into it from there. It seemed a little far fetched, but *meh* what the heck.

Some of you might remember the big closet cleaning I did last year after reading Lauren Conrad's book, "Style". I still had the entire pile of clothing in there that I had intended to take to the tailor to have re-fitted. There was great stuff in there--Ralph Lauren, Ann Taylor, etc. It was all stuff that had only been worn once or twice, too. Here we are nearly one year later, and they are all still in my closet--and my motivation to go to the tailor is nowhere to be found at this time. So what did I do with them? I took their picture. Then I put them up on eBay.

I followed this with posting shoes that I had purchased but never worn. Then I posted CDs that I was never going to listen to. I weeded out my winter and summer jackets, and posted the rejects. Anything I found in my house that stirred up emotions of mediocrity became fair game. I was on a mission.

I had a pretty good sized pile-O-stuff for my first auction posting. It took me about two hours to list everything and post photos. Then it was time to wait. That's when the magic started happening.

PEOPLE WERE ACTUALLY BUYING MY CRAP! *WOOT*WOOT* HOLLA*

I came home yesterday and saw that I have over $140 deposited in my PayPal account thus far. All from simply taking two hours out of my life and listing my junk. If I look at it in terms of "work" and being paid, $70+/hr isn't too shabby! ;)

I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of my auctions pan out for me. It's kind of a fun way to save money. I also love that I can do all of this from the comfort of my own home. I'm getting paid to work in yoga pants, and a ponytail! Yeah, baby! ;)

Don't be surprised if you see me snooping around my local Goodwill store soon looking for killer deals. Once I'm out of junk, I may have to go buy some other people's junk and start experimenting with posting that junk on eBay. I love to shop, so it could be a fun adventure! We shall see.

If nothing else, my little experiment made my bank account grow a little. It was well worth two hours out of my life and a few trips to the post office. :D

**NEW PAINTING**: "SURF GIRL" by artist, Whitney Madison

This 16"X20" acrylic painting is perfect for any SURF GIRL! This painting includes my signature, handcrafted frame that has glass beads embedded.  

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl

The surfboards and wording are completely texturized in my signature style. They are also "blinged" out with Swarovski crystals on the surfboards, and the wording. Blue, satin, paisley ribbon runs along the perimeter of the interior side of the frame, and each corner is embellished with Swarovski crystals. 

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl

The entire painting is coated in a high gloss glaze for protection, and is ready to hand in any room of the house!

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl

Tempting to touch, and super fun to do so! This painting is a fun conversation piece that will be all the envy of your fellow fashionista SURF GIRLS! By artist, Whitney Madison. HANG LOOSE, GIRLS! :)        

To view this, and my other paintings, please visit my online art gallery, Ooooh La La Art Gallery by artist, Whitney Madison, by clicking the link below.

www.etsy.com/shop/arcticbarbiegirl