Thursday, December 15, 2016

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2016!!!


Happy holidays!!! Some people send Christmas cards. I send a Christmas blog these days. I used to handcraft all of my Christmas cards. They were super elaborate, and I had fun designing them every year. However, that all stopped when I got divorced, and I haven't been able to get stoked about Christmas cards since. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T LIKE TO RECEIVE THEM!!! I WANT YOUR CHRISTMAS CARDS!!! Glad we are clear. I'm waiting for your cards. Eagerly. :)

As anticipated, this has kind of been a wild year for me. I packed up and moved from Wasilla, Alaska in 2015, and moved to a town in California that I had only picked out randomly on a map one night when I was working in OB Triage at my hospital in Alaska when had i no patients. I knew I wanted to be closer to home so I had a shorter commute to see my kids, but I loved the hospital system I was currently in, so I called up all of their job postings on the intranet, did my research, and picked the hospital that was closest to the BEACH in California!!!! And it has worked out well for me in most areas thus far :)



I spend a lot of time at the beach on my days off. I workout a lot, but my workouts have taken on a new form. I go running on the beach multiple times per week. I was just there tonight, and it was GORGEOUS!!! I've logged 17 miles on my Fitbit in the past two days, and mostly because I JUST DON'T WANT TO GO HOME!!!

Something strange happens in Cali in the winter. People get cold--when it's 60F. I am one of them now when I'm not running, but this is PERFECT RUNNING WEATHER!!! I run on the beach all the time, and it isn't abnormal to be there by MYSELF and late at night!!! Which is ALSO amazing!!! It's so quiet, and peaceful. It's better for my soul than any breathing and relaxing I've paid to do in a yoga studio--and it's FREE. Unreal.

Of course, I have spent many, many days surfing, as well. This is a surf photo from one of my many trips to surf the North Shore of Kauai, but, funny story as to why this insn't a recent Cali photo-- it's hard to video yourself surfing in Cali when you fly solo 97% of the time in the waves, so this is the photo you get--and it's from close to shore, because cameras also don't like to get wet, and Santa hasn't brought me the GoPro of my dreams. I have also joined the South Bay Surf Club here in Torrance, CA, but those weirdos like to surf dawn patrol at the crack of dawn, and this kid works nights, so our times don't jive most of the time. Solo surfer girl most of the time, but I have met some pretty awesome surfers here, and they have always treated me well. I've had encounters with dolphins, whales, flying fish, and a baby (5ft) great white shark. Thankful for that, and not getting bit or eaten :)

I have been able to travel home more frequently to Colorado from L.A., which has been GREAT. It's ridiculous. I fly exclusively with Southwest Airlines as my airline of choice. They are the BEST AIRLINE, EVER. I loved Alaska Airlines, but Southwest ROCKS. Not only do bags fly free, but I get my return tickets from Denver to LAX for $44. What?!!? I can barely put gas in my car for that price! I am their biggest fan. They really have made my family situation a whole lot easier. I don't have to work as many overtime hours to make my life work because of their low fares, and I feel like they truly CARE about their passengers. Always happy, nice, friendly people to help me out along the way. It warms my heart--because a big piece of my heart is in Colorado and I need them to get there every few weeks to be with my kids!!! And my girls have been able to fly solo on Southwest as "Young Travelers" since they were the age of 12. I don't have to pay the crazy babysitting rate to have someone watch my kids that the other airlines charge ($100 per kid and each way). My kids can watch themselves on an airplane, and are VERY well solo-traveled by now--they know how to navigate LAX better than I do.

Still loving the hospital I work at. Every unit has its issues, but I've learned to just step back and let that be the case. It's the nature of the beast. The thinG I have enjoyed the most about where I currently work is my nurse coworkers. We all have fun, enjoy being around each other, and we're a great team. We always have each other's backs, and there is none of the catty crap I had to deal with in Alaska. It makes all the difference in the world, and I'm am very thankful for all my L&D girls!!! However, the one thing I will say is that the docs are super hit or miss here. You need some THICK SKIN to work in this part of Cali. Which makes it all the more necessary that I have a good team of girls to work with as nurses. We have to combat a lot of doctor crap, but we can spin it, make fun of it and it keeps our spirits up :)

I'm not Catholic, but my hospital does a great job of decorating at Christmas, and keeping true to the Christmas message of Christ's birth. I am always thankful to work for a hospital that is faith-based. FAITH--not RELIGION. I have some strong lines I draw between faith and religion, but this is a stellar bunch, and I always enjoy the prayer over the speakers on each shift to ground me, lift me up,  and remind me of my purpose. It is enlightening, and welcomed.


So, funny Cali story. I've been asked multiple times since I've been here if people can have my autograph, and if I'm an actress. No. But I'm a labor and delivery nurse, and a mom of 4 amazing kids. Does that count? Makes me laugh every time. Sorry, LAX paparazzi. You guys kill me. I would rather die with unpedicured toes than be the Kardashians. Or maybe L.A. will "discover" me, and give me a late night show. I'd actually dig that. More my style.

 My twins will be out here on December 22nd for Christmas!!!! I'm SO looking forward to our time together. I love my girls so much. Looking forward to Christmas cookie baking, gingerbread house making, all the Christmas movies they make me watch (over and over and over again), and watching out traditional movie each year, "It's a Wonderful Life", beach hikes/runs, surfing, and DISNEYLAND!!!! Oh...and PRESENTS! I'm such a Christmas kid, and, if nothing else, I'm glad I've been able to share Christmas with these babes in both Cali and Alaska because of my work situation. Not the ideal situation, but the way your family works is what makes you a family. Love is glue. This works for us. :) And we get some awesome memories and adventures to boot. ;)

Did I forget to mention that I met Santa in L.A.? It just happened to be running past him one night. He was sitting on a cliff, in a lawn chair, enjoying the sunset in Palos Verdes, CA. I walked up to him. Asked him for a pic. I told him that I went to college at the University of Alaska Fairbanks, just outside North Pole, Alaska. He got a kick out of it. He is a TV personality here in L.A., but lives part time in Oregon. He has written multiple children's Christmas books. He does a lot in our L.A. community to keep the spirit of Santa alive. He also drives a red Mini with the license plate "N-Pole". He's good people. He even gave me his card.

SO...
Single? Dating?

Wouldn't you like to know. Here is what I can divulge about the current situation:

Dating
Blue Eyes
Dark Hair
Mostly athletic
Gainfully employed with a Master's Degree
Long distance relationship
Sweet
Kind
Caring
Does not drink alcohol (which is OK--I probably drink enough for both of us most of the time)
Age? 30s
Does he surf?--Yes. Praise the Lord.
Favorite attribute: He enjoys my CrAZy and offers sweet advice when I exceed my parameters.
Weakness?--flossing teeth regularly. I floss my teeth twice daily and expect the same from those I date--I'm the dental hygiene Nazi.

That's all. Oh, and these Emoji pics that preserve our identity.



As I conclude this blog, I wish you all a very happy holiday season. This has been a very trying year for me at times. It has brought me to my knees in tears with heartbreak at times, but I'm eternally grateful for the grace of God. For growth. For change. For having faith that God isn't going to leave me where I'm at right now, and that my future and potential is bright beyond what I can fathom. Aim high in 2017. Don't get stuck feeling down, depressed, weird, or unloved. Engage in this life. Seek out a purpose. Be strong. Forgive. LOVE. Love love love!!!! You are all amazing, and when we truly realize that we are not here by accident, then we can start living with a purpose and stream our focus. I'm thankful for the celebration of this Christmas season. Thank you, Jesus. You are, and will always be my RoCkStAr.


XOXO Whit


Saturday, November 19, 2016

DOLPHINS!!!! How these sweet creatures have touched my heart :)


So, when I first moved to Torrance, California, I was out on my surfboard at sunset, and about 10 ft in front of my board, a fin popped up. And then another fin popped up. And another. There was a beautiful pod of dolphins in front of me. Then, all of the sudden, a juvenile whale blew water out of his blowhole (he was swimming with his dolphin friends). I was just lying on my board, just watching all of this magic unfold in front of me. I wanted them to come closer. All I could think was that they showed up as a sign that I was where I was supposed to be at this time in my life. It was so beautiful, and felt so right. I had a calming peace that overwhelmed me.

Ever since, I've adopted the dolphins as a "sign". I've gone through some tough times in the past 6 months. When I'm at the beach, I've said, "God, if ___________ is supposed to happen, or be your direction for my life, let me see the dolphins." Some days I would ask questions, and see them. Some days I would ask questions, and no dolphins were in sight. 

I asked a very specific, and important question one night at the beach; a very important question that could, and would change the direction of my life. And the dolphins never showed up. However, the question I asked was regarding a special person in my life, and the direction I should go with him. I was confused at that time. I had different directions I could go, and they were intriguing. But I had to know for sure what God had planned for my life.

About a week later, I was walking a path in San Diego with this wonderful man. We were holding hands. The ocean was just off to the side of the path. This man turned to me, hugged me, and gave me a long, beautiful kiss--that was then interrupted by the sound of dolphins blowing water out of their blowholes. Of course, this man had no idea that the dolphins were the symbol of the answer to my deepest questions, but we stopped kissing, and turned towards the water to see where they were. They were SO close to us!!!

This is the video that I took while walking on the beach about a week and a half ago with that same man. And the dolphins showed up, and put on quite a show for us. It was like watching a dance that had choreographed just for us. And there is no one in the world I would've rather shared the moment with :)

video

Good Advice...

I took this photo at Torrance Beach, and added the words. I saw this quote during a very difficult time in my life, and it couldn't have been at a better time, or had a greater impact. These words are SO true, and have spoken VERY clearly to me. There has been such a major change in my heart, my actions, my words, and my life over the past 6 months. Not a bad thing. I'm still the same me, only better, and I'm very, VERY, thankful for that. :)



Snapchat Snap Of The Week (on my blog) ;)

!!!SNAP OF THE WEEK!!!

My oldest daughter and I were sending Snaps back and forth on Snapchat during my workout session. She sent me one that was so funny that I laughed so hard I cried. She was talking about how she needs to exorcise her demons to make room for turkey, but it was in a baby fox voice, and she said something along the lines of, "Like, hey, YO, get out! Make room for some turkey in here!" This was my Snap reply. It sounds hilarious with the voice changer that accompanies the fox filter. LOL!!!


video



Monday, September 5, 2016

The Twins Are Fourteen!!!!

IT'S OFFICIAL!!! THE TWINS ARE FOURTEEN!!!

Where does time go?

I remember taking a trip to Durango, Colorado, when my twins were 4 years old. This was the summer before my girls started kindergarten. My godmother (God rest her sweet soul), told me that "You'd better enjoy it--because once they start school, TIME WILL FLY." 

The girls have a September birthday (stating the obvious), but they have always been the youngest in their class at school. They just started highschool a few weeks ago, and were in the minority of thirteen year-olds that are in the freshman class.  OH!!! And my Fairy Godmother was right...time DOES have wings.


These two sweet babes came into my life 14 years ago and completely blessed my life. I always wanted twins. I have no twins in my family. However, I did pray very hard for twins prior to conception, and badda-bing...I had my prayer answered. They are fraternal twin girls, and I said multiple times when they were babies that I was so glad they didn't look alike because I was too ridiculous to have identical twins.



My trip to Colorado has been amazing (as per usual). This place will always feel like home, no matter what. However, over the past few years, I have realized that home is literally where you make it. I took this photo the other morning when I had gotten up at 6:00 a.m. to get the girls to their schools (they attend different highschools--one of them is in the International Baccalaureate program at a local school). The Denver skyline is in the photo. I miss looking at this from my old suburbia on a regular basis.


We have spent the past year staying with my daughter in Colorado when I am down here. I have been a "rent partner" and the girls and I have had our own space with her during our many trips. This is coming to an end soon, and we will go back to staying in hotels, but it has been fun nonetheless. This is a picture of Paige and her furbaby, Daisy. Daisy is such a sweetie, and makes us all feel very loved on our frequent visits. Paige calls her my "granddog". I can't wrap my head around grandkids yet, so I'll take it! Even though I'm not a dog person, the dogs haven't gotten the memo, and continue to love me. Crazy fuzzy beasts.


Daisy is sweet. However, she doesn't enjoy my militant approach to healthy eating. I try to involve everyone in it, but she basically told me that she preferred processed dog food as opposed to my baby carrots, snap peas, and tomatoes. At least she humored me by chewing them a little.


I didn't really know what to do for the twins' birthday this year. It gets harder to buy them gifts they get excited about as they get older (because they already have smartphones, and that is their life). I got into town on September 1st, and decided to surprise them with one birthday gift, every day, leading up to September 5th. The second day, they got new kicks. It was a fun way to celebrate.


The first two days in Colorado were spent at my daughter, Chloe's, softball tournament. She is the starting varsity pitcher for the Green Mountain Rams. Quite a feat at the age of 13, and considering she is playing with seniors who are 18. She pitched every game, and did great. I don't know how she functions so well under the pressure, but I am SO proud of her. Guess those private pitching lessons are paying off!!!


Chloe humored me and went for a 7 mile hike at Red Rocks with me. Red Rocks is my favorite hike. I did it almost every single day I lived in Colorado. Emma did not want to hike, but this gave the two of us some much needed mother/daughter time one-on-one. We had SO much fun, and it was beautiful!!!!


When we got back to the car after our hike, we had this adorable friend waiting for us!!!!


Woke up today and made cupcakes for the girls. Em loves red velvet. Chloe loves vanilla cake. We have a metric boatload of fat and sugar at the moment. Abnormal for us, and only once a year.


We had tons of fun while I was here. There were multiple Snapchat filters that were utilized.


We embraced our inner deer.


We were flower princess chicks.


The rest of the time was spent shopping for birthday stuff, and homecoming dresses. We found one for Chloe. Em is picky, and we do not have a solution yet.

Super awesome trip, and birthday for these girls. Can't wait for my next trip! Back to L.A. tomorrow night. :(

:) CHEERS!!! :)

Thursday, August 18, 2016

"Wine Mom" On Best And Worse Parts Of Pregnancy--And My Thoughts On Her Video


My daughter actually tagged me in a post on Facebook today that had this video. First of all--let me warn you--there is some colorful language in here. If you have virgin ears, you might want to look elsewhere for your entertainment today. However, as someone who works in labor and delivery, I couldn't pass up the chance to write a blog on this.

Here are the directions for this blog:

STEP 1: WATCH THE VIDEO BEFORE YOU READ ANYMORE OF MY BLOG

STEP 2: GO BACK TO STEP 1 AND DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD TO DO BEFORE YOU READ THE REST OF THIS BLOG.

STEP 3: QUIT BEING A REBELLIOUS WEIRDO TRYING TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOMEWORK--ORDER OF OPERATIONS IS IMPERATIVE HERE, PEOPLE, NOW WATCH THE VIDEO.

Did you watch it?

Yes?----> You may pass go, collect $200, and read the rest of this blog.

No?-->You are a pain butt, and it's clear that I can't control your behavior, so read on and only be slightly entertained. See if I care...

Sometimes people amp up the "gentle" and "caring" during a time when a woman is "in a delicate condition" during pregnancy. However, I work in labor and delivery with these "delicate women", and with the right amount of pain in labor, they are frickin' honey badgers who will MESS. YOU. THE. HELL. UP.

These are the same "delicate women" who have grabbed me around my neck to strangle me during contractions, squeezed my hand so tight and hard during labor that I thought they broke it, called me names that I don't even think I can Google, have bitten me, punched me, kicked me, slapped me, and whom I've had to restrain so they don't knock out the doctor who is in between their legs trying to deliver their baby while they are physically/verbally accosting him/her and sound, quite literally, like they need an exorcism.

It's not that I don't understand pregnancy, labor, and delivery--I've had four children of my own, including a set of twins, so I know how good a 9 cm dilated cervix with no epidural feels like while (in my case) two humans tried to fight their way out of my southern exit at nearly the same time. It's like that scene in Braveheart where they disemboweled him in front of the huge crowd while he was strung up by ropes. That is labor and delivery. Everyone in the room is cheering, you want to kill all of them, your baby is trying to kill you, and you feel like you're exploding into 450,000,000 gooey, gross, bloody, disgusting pieces. One more thing to thank God for when we all get to heaven. 

THIS VIDEO

We all have pregnancy stories. We all like to freak other pregnant women out with our pregnancy stories. I don't know why everyone only likes to tell you the bad stuff. I hear this time and time again from my patients who have actually had relatively normal deliveries. It's like a right of passage. Even those "normal delivery" women have to eventually make up something horrible so they can tell their poor, unsuspecting, first-time pregnant friends all about it, and keep them in mental torment for 9 months. 

FIRST TIME PREGOS TAKE NOTE: DO NOT invite women to your baby shower who already have had kids. They are brutal bitches who only want to hurt you emotionally with their poorly recollected, and often times fabricated stories. Like this video says--you aren't going to remember how horrible it is, which is why we end up with multiple babies, and why I am gainfully employed as a labor and delivery nurse!!! I swore each child I had dropped my IQ by 10 points. It's called "Postpartum Retardation"--it's a real thing!!! Besides, those women already have kids, so  they probably don't have the mental focus, or the funds to get you the posh baby shower gifts you really deserve. Just sayin'. Time to find some new friends who have never had an occupied uterus!!!

Now that we have hit a couple of things, this is where I like to interject my critique of this (brilliant and very accurate) video.

First of all, her name is Wine Mom. Right out of the gate, I like her. This is the first video I've ever seen from the Wine Mom, but my mom was also a wine mom, I'm a wine mom, my 25-year old daughter drinks wine, and because of it, she will eventually become a wine mom, and I have two future wine moms (my twin girls) who graduate highschool in 2020, and who better not become wine people, or wine moms until I tell them it's OK.

**IN THIS VIDEO**
(The Best And Worst Parts Of Pregnancy)

TOPIC 1: PREGNANCY GLOW

LIES! LIES! LIES!!! Actually, for me, I was glowing a little with my last pregnancy, because I was living on the east coast during what would be the hottest summer in history. I would wake up daily to temperatures of 105-112F, with 100% humidity. It was horrible. I would've had to have had no sweat glands to avoid a glow.

I hated being pregnant. I am a horrible pregnant lady. The day I actually got sterilized was one of the happiest days of my life.

First of all, I'm a pregnancy puker. I puke. and I puke. And I just keep puking when I'm pregnant. Doesn't matter what trimester it is. As a matter of fact, when I was pregnant with the twins, I slept in the bathroom on the floor. I brought my pillow in for the night and everything. My husband and I were watching the Winter Olympics during this time, and I'd have to run and puke in between each figure skating performance, or skier. My (now ex) husband got so frustrated with not being able to do anything about my puking, that he actually yelled at me while I had my face in the toilet, and said, "What the hell is wrong with you?!?!?"

Don't make me repeat my response to him. Apparently, the inner honey badger can come out during pregnancy, too.

The point is, I only glowed from sweat, or barfing. It sucked. I hated it. NO MORE BABIES...EVER!!!

TOPIC 2: WEIRD CRAVINGS DURING PREGNANCY

This IS a real thing. I've actually only had ONE of these weird cravings, but it WAS weird. We'll get to that in a moment. 

I have to ask admission questions to all of my inpatients when they are on labor and delivery. One of the admission questions is, "Do you have a normal diet, and have you been craving any non-food substances while pregnant?"

A lot of times, people DO ask me if that is a real thing--IT IS. Some examples I throw out when they need further information is, "Do you feel like eating laundry detergent, clay, chalk, lightbulbs, sniffing glue, nail polish, or the smell of gasoline?

DING DING DING---the last one--my winner!!!!

OMG--during my pregnancy I CRAVED THE SMELL OF GASOLINE!!!!! It was so bad that I actually looked forward to running low on gas and got excited about days I got to fill up my car. I also had to ban myself from being anywhere near the car while it was filling up. If I could've stuck my nose in the gas tank hole, I WOULD HAVE.

I think my kids came out OK. Maybe. Depends on the day. However, one of my twins always says to me, "Mom, I really LOVE the smell of gasoline." Yep. The little acorn doesn't fall far from the caustic, deadly tree on that one...

TOPIC 3: BREAST ENLARGEMENT WITH PREGNANCY AND BREASTFEEDING: 

I'm not going to spend much time on this subject, because we all know that our chests balloon into the size of every man's dream during pregnancy and lactation. Although the sheer size can be sexy, there were times I never felt more unattractive with my Dolly Parton jugs--especially with the twins. 
Maybe it had something to do with me sitting on the couch with a giant Boppy pillow on steroids (nursing pillow specifically made for twins so you could feed them simultaneously), two babes facing head-to-head on my chest, and being so busy feeding them that my husband had to feed me a Philly cheesesteak sandwich while I held onto them for dear life. It was a group effort, for sure, but Baywatch sexy???--not so much for this kid. I'm happy with my normal size chest these days--even living in L.A. Keep your water balloons, ladies.

TOPIC 4: WEIRD TOUCHING DURING PREGNANCY

I see this happen all the time to people, and it is actually illegal, and punishable by law in some states right now. Why people feel like they need to touch another woman's pregnant belly (unless it's offered) is beyond me. I don't remember if that happened in my first two pregnancies--those are a complete blur. However, there was some of that going on when I was pregnant with the twins--mostly with people at church, so at least they were religious weirdos who semi-knew me peripherally on Sundays. 

I did, however, have some people say some rude things to me during pregnancy with the twins. I only gained 35 lbs with that pregnancy. I was carrying fraternal twins, so I had two babies, two bags of water, and two placentas in me. The twins were 7 lbs and 7lbs 2oz at birth, and I basically lost about 34.5lbs on the delivery table (we were in the OR--just in case they needed to do a C-section...which they did not, but we always deliver multiples in the OR).

Towards the end of the pregnancy, you could not tell I was pregnant from looking at my back. However, when I turned sideways, I looked like one half of the Goodyear Blimp had relocated to my midrif. I look like I swallowed a Zeppelin.

Because of this, it was impossible to find clothing that would cover my belly properly. When I was home, I wore my husband's sports shorts (rolled down and under my waist), and a sports bra--and that is it. I had ONE shirt that I could wear out into public by the end, and even that one was held so far off my belly that I always had a nice draft blowing up my shirt at all times. The shirt was workin' hard--it was more like a parachute. During that time, I had a lady come up to me in the Laura Ashley store in Greenville, Delaware, and say, "Please tell me that there is more than one baby in there."

Really? What if there hadn't been?!? So rude. I should've walked up to her after and been like, "You should lay off the creme puffs, and the hamburgers, lady. Lookin' a little pudgy, my friend."

TOPIC 5: WEIRD DREAMS DURING PREGNANCY

It is very true that some of your most vivid dreams happen when you are pregnant. Unlike the Wine Mom, I didn't have any weird dreams about having sex with Judge Judy, or any other women for that matter, but I did have a very scary-ass dream about being a  killer whale trainer at Sea World. I was in the tank, and Shamu took off from one end of the tank, picked me up with his face, swam me back across the tank, and launched me a million feet in the air off his nose. It was at this time that I woke up screaming in terror.

I felt everything. I felt the water, the wetsuit, and I felt that frickin' giant orca launch me into oblivion. Pregnancy dreams are crazy.


TOPIC 6: PREGNANCY SEX

I don't want to spend too much time on this topic, either. I'm pretty private about the subject of sex to begin with, but it's become clear to me, after years of working in labor and delivery, that a lot of people are not very particular about sex to begin with. Believe me, I've seen some weird stuff, ANYONE CAN MAKE A BABY, and have walked out of a few delivery rooms wondering how this blessed child was even created. Then I am weirdly forced to think about it (by sheer circumstance in front of me) and I want to puke, die, rip my brain and eyeballs out, stomp on both, put them in a meat grinder, gag, hack, splutter, and then I have to regroup before I can successfully finish helping them bring their precious child into the world.

The only thing I want to add to this portion is that, if the Wine Mom thought pregnancy sex was like having sex with one watermelon strapped between her and her husband. Try strapping two watermelons between the two of you, and let me know how that works for you. Enough said. I can't go beyond that with triplets, Kate Plus 8, or Octomom. That's just where you just have to close the door on your man until after your 6-week check up...end of story.

TOPIC 7: MEMORY LOSS

It is crazy to me that women simply can't remember pregnancy, labor, and delivery well enough to NEVER DO IT AGAIN. I would say that about 90% of my patients tell me during labor that they are never going to have another child. Yet they become repeat offenders on labor and delivery like everyone else. Not to mention the drop in IQ after each baby. It's a real thing. It doesn't go away. So grab wine, and enjoy the crazy ride!!!

:) CHEERS :)












Monday, August 15, 2016

Welcome To The Ho-Lympic Zone, Rio!!!


I read a funny (and alarming) news article the other night when I was on break at work. It was about how the use of apps like Tinder (the "hookup" app--i.e. the "you don't have to even buy me dinner; we can just get naked and go for it after we give each other a once-over" app). The statistic said that they had to increase the amount of condoms available in the Olympic Village in Rio because they had an issue with supply and demand in London--demand far exceeded supply. No telling how many babies and STDs came out of the London games, but they weren't going for a repeat in Rio.

The article went on to say that the amount of used condoms found all throughout the Olympic Village is staggering. They were found on rooftops, alleys, beaches, etc. (Can I get an "Ewwww" and a "Watch your step"?)

Then it went on to say that 450,000 would be available in the Olympic Village in Rio. That's A-LOT-O-LATEX. They crunched the numbers, and said that averaged out to 49 condoms per Olympian.

Apparently the equestrian people aren't the only ones who are going to be walking through the Olympic Village like they just got off a horse. Not only that, but I'm still trying not to picture how weird it must be to meet someone and say, "My roommates in bed right now, so let's head to the roof."

Athletes aren't the only ones breaking Olympic records in Rio, and Wednesdays are no longer the only hump days every 2-4 years for 2 weeks.

**SHIVER**