Friday, March 16, 2012

OH NO!!! It's Easter Time Again! Eeeeeek! Whitney Disapproves!!!

Easter. Ugh. My least favorite holiday of the year. And yes--I did use this exact same picture for my blog post last Easter. It's funny. When something is funny, you can repeat it. However, since some of you might be bored by this picture, I'm going to post this next one just for you...

You're welcome.

This one was funny, too...

And this bunny probably struts around with his wife's Prada purse when she isn't looking.

I don't like Easter. I'm not trying to be rude by saying it. I know that I probably offended people last year when I wrote my "Hippity Hoppity Easter's On Its Way" blog--pretty much stating the same thing. Not a big fan. It's the only  holiday where they mix two of my least favorite things together--off'ing Jesus, and wiggly ham. Then they sugarcoat it all with pastel colors and TV commercials where bunny rabbits bock like chickens, and all the churches of the world feel it necessary to show clips from "Passion of the Christ". I missed that movie the first go-'round...on purpose.

"But Whitney! You go to church! You're supposed to like that Easter holiday thingy!" I don't though. As a matter of fact, I take a 4-5 week vacation from church every Easter holiday. My daughter, Paige, actually texted me today and said, "Mom, you do realize that Easter isn't until April 8th, right?" Um...I am well aware. I have scheduled my mandatory Easter holiday from church to extend past April 8th, 2012. I'll be back with bells on as of Sunday, April 15th. It's actually better that I do this. I didn't used to take so many weeks off, but I actually got up and walked out of a graphic church service last year and that was when I instituted my "Mandatory Annual Easter Holiday Church Vacation Extension" (hereafter known as MAEHCVE).

 My kids were with me in church that day. They showed some clips of movies and things on the big screen that gave them (and me) nightmares for the next month--true story. They'd flash gory pictures of Jesus, then some picture of a buzzard getting ready to peck some poor little Ethiopian kid's head. Then some other awful picture that made me want to puke. Then the clips from the Passion of the Christ. Maybe I am just a total pansy and need to find the Fuzzy Easter Bunny and Chickadee church. I can't flippin' handle it. Of course when I was 8 years old I ran out of my church screaming on Easter one Sunday for the same reason. Good to see not a lot has changed. I feel like I'm growing. NOT!

I know some of you probably think I am depriving my family of important church teaching during this extended church vacation. You're probably right, too. See, before I decided to start going back to church I had kind of kicked around the idea of finding a church and attending again. I started going to church services at random churches here and there. Knowing how much I dislike Easter, I had decided to not go that year (par for the's against my religion). However, since I hadn't been a avid church goer in a few years I decided to ask the twins (who were 6 at the time) a question on Easter morning. I asked, "Hey, who can tell me why we celebrate Easter?" Chloe responded by going off about the Easter Bunny, egg hunts, and chickadees. Emma promptly interrupted her and yelled, "NO IT'S NOT, CHLOE! Easter is where we celebrate Jesus getting shot and coming back to life!!!!"

It was at this point that I realized my children would benefit from attending church--even if I had to take a small holiday around Easter every year. If for no other reason than to get their story straight. This gang banger idea that they had that someone popped a cap in Jesus was just not going to fly on Judgement Day--and I'm pretty sure The Big Man would know who to point the finger at for that one. I already have a long list of things I need to apologize for on that day. This didn't need to be added to the list of groveling.

Now that we have been attending church regularly again my children have some clue as to what is going on with respect to the God/Jesus scene. They also don't call the giant illuminated cross up on the mountainside by our house "The Arrow" anymore. See!!! Progress!!!

So yes...still not going there. Another year of ditching church at Easter. All you Easter lovin' peeps can enjoy your Passion Plays, your fuzzy bunnies, and your wiggly ham again...without me. You can go ahead and pass your judgement now. Jesus still loves me, this I know, for the big thick book that can often times be really difficult to read and understand told me so.

get it?...Peeps? Har har.

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