Sunday, September 30, 2012

THE MAN SHOWER--A Baby Shower Put On By Men.

Do you notice how it is the woman who appears to be speaking to the man in this photo? Yep--that would be just like a conversation I would have with a man during football season. "Sorry honey, football season is here. Please only speak when spoken to--there's a game on!!!"
The topic today is Baby Showers. STICK WITH ME HERE, MEN!!! I know I just said the BS word (baby shower), but this is not just a blog about your ordinary baby shower. Why? Because when I was pregnant with my twins I didn't have an ordinary baby shower. My husband threw me a MAN SHOWER. Yes, a MAN SHOWER.
This is the part where you pipe in and say, "But Whitney, you are a woman! Not only a woman, but a girlie girl woman (with the exception of your love for football, your snarky mouth, and being able to verbally biznatch slap most men in about 2.2 seconds)!!!"
Fine. You're right. You can pretty much sum me up with three words. HIGH HEELS & FOOTBALL.
(it's like the hokie pokie--THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT! hot dog)
I have said it before, and I will say it again, I AM A GUYS GIRL. I love hanging with the guys. Not because I'm a sex-crazed love monkey, but because I just think guys are just super fun to be around, and I can just relate to them. This would be one HUGE reason I was pleasantly surprised to be thrown a MAN SHOWER while I was pregnant.
So what is a man shower? I can only describe what was done for me, so here goes...
THE MAN SHOWER was the baby shower that my (then) husband and his friends got together to throw for me. See, we moved to the east coast to be close to my husband's parents when I was about 5 months pregnant with the twins. I knew no one in the Philadelphia area, with the exception of some of my husband's friends that had flown up to Alaska for our wedding, or who I had met on the east coast during sporadic visits. These were all the guys who got together to throw a baby shower for me.
But it wasn't just a baby shower. You can't have a MAN SHOWER that is JUST a baby shower--you have to amp it up a little. So they did. There was awesome food, a ton of beer (which I did not drink), and I think they even had cigars.
"Well, Whitney, I guess if the baby shower had beer then it was a step up from just an ordinary baby shower." OH CONTRA IRE! It was way better than any other baby shower I've ever been to! This baby shower had a built in drinking game that was HILARIOUS to even those of us who had to stay completely sober during that time (no pregnant lady kegstands)!
As I had said, the beer was flowing. These men were AMAZING. Whoever said that men have no taste did not know these guys. They bought me the most stunning baby gifts. They knew my nursery theme, the colors I wanted, and what was on my baby registry at the stores. And NO...they were not gay. There are just super awesome hetero men that actually know what's up...
Seeing how awesome everything was that these men had put together, I was completely stunned. The men sat there, circled up in the living room, drinking beer, and watching me open my gifts. Every time I said, "Awwwww!" as I opened my gifts the men had to take a drink ("Awwwww" was the key word for drinking). It was HYSTERICAL!!!!
Better than any other baby shower in the world, the MAN SHOWER takes the cake. SO happy I was able to experience it!



Monday, September 17, 2012

Dear Men, Until You Have Been Pregnant For Nine Months, Sacrificed Your Beautiful Body To Carry A Child, Stayed At Home With A House Full Of Crying Children All Day, And Ever Had Any Sort Of Accountability For Sex Other Than Paying Child Support, PLEASE GET OFF YOUR SOAPBOX ABOUT WOMEN'S RIGHTS (before a girl with high heels kicks it out from under you)

OOOOooooh Baby, Baby! Ba-Baby Baby! OOOOooooh Baby Baby, Ba-Baby Baby!
I love babies. I wouldn't be a labor and delivery nurse if I didn't love babies. I love helping women bring these precious little bundles of joy into the world. It is an amazing blessing.
"Well, Whitney, that's just frickin' fantastic!!! So what?" Well hold onto your britches... 
This blog was inspired by a Facebook post that my pastor put up. It was a question about Christianity and Abortion. The question was, "Can you really claim to be a Christian if you are pro-choice? And if so, can you back it up with scripture?
I couldn't help it. I was drawn to this posting like a moth to a flame. I ignore most "hot button" topics on Facebook, mostly because I don't care to argue with people who have their minds all made up and have everything all figured out (scoff*gag*hack*splutter). It would be like intentionally arguing with a two year old--and goodness knows, although I love babies, I can totally do without toddlers.
So why am I feeling so entitled to address this "taboo" topic of the big "A" word (abortion)?
I'll answer that in a minute.
First of all, this is NOT a blog on whether or not I think abortion should be legal. Why? BECAUSE IT IS LEGAL ALREADY! And no amount of pissing and moaning is going to fix/stop that!!!--So stop shooting doctors at the abortion clinics, and showing your awful pictures of what the dumpsters look like behind Planned Parenthood. If we wanted to see them, we'd go to Google Images! Or Facebook for goodness sake...
I was a teen mom. I could've opted out of the huge mess I created for myself back in the day by opting for abortions, but I didn't (DISCLAIMER: This fact does not make me high and mighty in any way, shape, or form). I almost did opt for the big "A" with baby #2, but my dad convinced me otherwise. I'm happy about that now, even though my son is going through his, "I hate you, mom" phase at the age of 19, and blaming every problem he's ever had in his life on me. He's still a brilliant creation. A brilliant creation with a huge mouth--wonder where he got that?
As stated before, I also happen to work in labor and delivery. It is AWESOME!...mostly. However, I work with a fair bit of welfare moms. And drug addicted moms. And moms who have 900 children that they can't take care of already. It makes it hard not to feel sorry for these babies.
This was everything that was racing through my mind when I read this Facebook post on Christians being less than Christians if they are pro-choice.
I hate the terms "Pro-Life" and "Pro-Choice". I'm pro having freedom to do whatever I want in this life because free agency was bestowed upon me by God. What I do with it is between me and Him. Nuff said. Unless you are there to do my bidding for me on the last day, kindly stay out of my beeswax.
 It really rubbed me the wrong way when all these men were going off on this post about what women should do with their bodies with respect to sex and abortion. Excuse me? He who donates his penis for 30 minutes (if that) and has the option to bail does not get a say!!! That's just how I feel about it.
When a woman gets pregnant she commits her mind, body and soul to that child. I just don't get why men think they have such a huge say in this matter. Yes, I just "shushed" you men. You have no clue what it takes to carry a child, or deliver a child, so your opinion (in my opinion) doesn't count for much. PS I love you.
I am a Christian. Do I think abortion is hideous? YES! Is this because I'm a Christian? NO! Do I wish that we lived in a Utopian society where God would only release perfect eggs from our ovaries to be fertilized by amazing sperm IF AND ONLY IF/WHEN we wanted them to turn into amazing babies?? YES! Do I think that preaching abstinence in 2012 is a fabulous way to keep our children safe from premarital sex? NO! Do I think it helps? VERY LITTLE!!!! Do I think we need to get REAL about what is REALLY going on in this life. HELLZ TO THE YEAH!
I (sometimes) understand God's way. The bible says a lot of important things, and I get that we need to take that into SERIOUS consideration and apply it to this life. However, a lot of our society doesn't. We went through a series at church called, "Weird, Because Normal Isn't Working", and I totally agree that going back to biblical is weird sometimes, but that it's necessary. And that's not a bad thing!!!!!--unless you can't convince the rest of the world to live by your standards, and you get all bitter, jaded, high and mighty, and soapboxy about it. I get even more skeptical when Christians start kicking Christians out of the Christian club because of differences in perspectives.
We used to have this man up at the University of Alaska Fairbanks who would to stand in front of the student center on campus, on a soapbox, and shout out a bunch of crap "IN THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!". He called my best friend a slut on the way to class one day because she had the audacity to wear a skirt that wasn't an acceptable length in the Amish community. We didn't really look at him as a holy man of God. I'm pretty sure he never converted anybody by what he was doing. AND we all thought he was certifiably insane. Congrats, Soapbox Dork. You just condemned 1000 students in
-40F weather. Now what are you going to do? You're going to Disneyland? How about hell instead. It just froze over--after all, it was Fairbanks, Alaska.
I know it seems like I'm rambling. I have to say that one of the things I hate about my religion is how ridiculous and close minded we Christians sound sometimes. I'm not saying we have to be all liberal about things--but being narrow minded makes our Christianity sound like it's run by a bunch of uneducated rednecks sometimes. There's no way to sugarcoat it. It gets embarrassing to me, and it's made me not want to affiliate with organized religion because I feel like I'm too smart for that.
My proposal to save women from having babies that are a burden? Or to decrease the amount of "trash" behind Planned Parenthood? I propose that we educate our children. Educate them in God, and sex ed. DO NOT WITHHOLD INFORMATION!!! Teach them about the importance of being particular with sex. About respecting their bodies enough to save them for someone who is worthy to receive them. I have older children. We talk about EVERYTHING--and there is no topic off limits! I don't agree with their choices some of the time, but at least I know what is happening in their life, and I am available to them! Does this mean I condone everything they do? NO. But I am not going to turn a blind eye to them, ignore them, and hope that the situation will remedy itself.
Educate them until they cannot stand anymore sexual education. My children are going to go through the school of TMI (too much information) with respect to sex. I'm going to show them pictures of every STD out there. Let's not keep these kids guessing about all of the implications that being sexually active can have!!!
I appreciate that people have opinions about abortion. And sex. However, it's time to be real (and you can still be real and love is possible). Going all biblical in 2012 on people with respect to sex does very little. Let's figure out a way to empower religion to educate our kids and inspire them in 2012. 
I don't understand some of the people in my religion who were "born again", and all of the sudden condemn sex now that they are in committed relationships and have the "hindsight is 20X20" theory. I would bet that most of them were involved in sexual relationships prior to their conversion, and I don't see how you can now condemn everything in an effort to get kids to "benefit from the wisdom of your experience". Has that ever worked? In any kind of parenting?
Love your children enough to want to keep them safe, and healthy. Educate them. The odds are that your children are going to break your heart with respect to sex more than the broad, controversial topic of abortion ever will. And your child could have an abortion and you would be none the wiser these days. Would you condemn them if you knew? Would you stop talking to them? Would you shun them? How can you call yourself a Christian if you do?
Think about it.

Monday, September 10, 2012

NURSERY PAINTINGS for my friend, Lisa Hermes "All Things Bright, and Beautiful You Are"

I made these paintings for my friend/coworker, Lisa Hermes, for her nursery. She is expecting a baby girl ANY DAY NOW! :) Lisa has a house filled with boys, so this little princess needs some fun, girlie colors happenin' in her nursery. The three-part painting states, "All Things Bright, and Beautiful, You Are".
"All Things Bright"
These paintings are on 12"X12" stretched canvas. They include my signature, handcrafted frames. The perimeter of the frame is accented with pink polka dot grosgrain ribbon.

"And Beautiful"

These paintings also include my signature, texturized style, which stands off the canvas, and is fun/tempting to touch!
 "You Are..."
A high gloss glaze coats each painting to protect the acrylic paint.
To see more of my artwork, please visit my online art gallery at
Cheers, Lisa! :)