Saturday, December 21, 2013

How Did "Happy Happy Happy" Go So "Crappy Crappy Crappy"?

People. People. People.
Well, unfortunately, once again, America is bored. How do I know this? Because Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty swept the headlines this week for his utterly shocking, far right, conservative Christian belief, that gay is not acceptable in the Kingdom of God. Not surprisingly--he also bumped Jesus out of the top spot in the ratings--apparently His birthday is old news compared to this epic, shocking, Duck Dynasty revelation.
Let me just start this blog off by saying that I could care less about who is more offended by Phil Robertson at this point. Conservative Christians have all been bandwagoning over to the Duck Commander side to show support for good, moral, upstanding Christian values and beliefs (and maintaining our right to use bible thumping condemnation at our leisure--the usual). I'm sure there was a slight gasp of "OMG--I can't believe he said that" throughout the gay community, while the other 98.7% of the gay community said, "Phil who?" and "What's Duck Dynasty?"
I'm a huge Duck Dynasty fan. I'm also a Christian. I also adore the gay community. Some of you might think that all of this has me really confused, and torn between which side I'm going to bandwagon over to with all of this new, earth-shattering news, about an actual Christian redneck, thinking that marriage should be kept exclusively between a man and a woman. However, rest assured, I will stay where I am always the most comfortable in this life--right on top of the fence...just like I play my politics. I have a toe dipped in the waters on the left, and a toe dipped in the waters of the right (Stand Up! Sit Down! Fight! Fight! Fight! **random, inappropriate cheerleader pop-off**
Have you ever seen the show, "Duck Dynasty"? The entire show is about a redneck family from Louisiana, that happened to become multi-bazillionaires after one of them (Phil Robertson) designed an amazing duck call, got a patent, and had a son (Willie Robertson) who was brilliant enough to eventually market it on a large scale. Then they all (The Robertson family) decided, collectively, that not only was it ironic to be a redneck, and wealthy, but that their family/friend interactions were funny enough to have their own TV show. They pitched it to A&E, and now Duck Dynasty has essentially taken over the world--or at the very least, Wal-Mart, and Sportsman's Warehouse.
All the men on the show look like the unabomber, and they are all married to Barbie doll wives. The men constantly blow things up with guns, or dynamite, and the women do what any good bazillionaires' wives would do--they look pretty, do yoga, sip champagne, get pedicures, shop, do a lot of promo/marketing for the show, and are sometimes willing to sacrifice their well manicured fingernails to help coordinate shipping duck calls (I can relate to these ladies--but I have yet to score myself a bazillionaire--DAGNABIT).
The show showcases the family's Christian values. They talk about God, and Jesus Christ, A LOT. As a matter of fact, I can't believe the Muslim community, the Atheist community, the Jewish community, and all other religious sects that aren't directly affiliated with Christianity, haven't been up in arms about the audacity of A&E to air such a show!!!!!!!! **SARCASM**
Can we all just stop for a moment? Are we really this bored? Did we ever really think that a faith-based, reality TV show family would ever condone homosexual behavior, or gay marriage? I truly feel that if you are "shocked and awed" by this, that you should probably get back to smoking your crack pipe.
Furthermore, have you ever read the bible? That sucker will have you sweating bullets with some of the things it says! Phil Robertson actually quoted a great deal DIRECTLY from the bible. And he's Christian, so it shouldn't come as a huge surprise that he's read that thingamabobber a few times, and he isn't afraid to read it out loud from time to time, and during all of his public speaking that he now does because Duck Dynasty has taken over the world.
I understand that people get their feelings hurt when they feel like other people don't like them. And I know it's hard for people to hear the second part of what Phil Robertson said, because after hearing that gay people are morally corrupt, and going to hell, it is little consolation that he still follows God's second commandment to "love others", regardless of their sinful nature. It is hard to hear someone spew venom from one side of their mouth, and then say I love you from the other side of it. It loses a little something in translation.
I guess I find the whole thing a little funny. Not like "funny ha ha", but "funny ironic". I'm sorry that gay people are feeling targeted, and I'm sorry that A&E has banned Phil from the show, but this is somewhat comical.
When are we going to learn to stop overreacting to things as a society? Everything is DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA! When I was starting to think of things to write in my blog, I remembered a recent story about a little 6 year-old boy, who was being charged for sexual harassment because he kissed a little girl on the hand. When are we going to stop making mountains out of mole hills, people?
Furthermore, (this is where you are going to see me dipping a toe in the other side of the water) when are Christians going to stop casting stones at others? Didn't Jesus already teach us a pretty humbling lesson about this? I know some of you are probably like, "Uh, Whitney, Jesus said, "Dudes, put down your rocks, cuz you're sinners, too, and then told that chick to "go and sin no more"". I get that, but telling a human not to sin anymore, would be like changing a one year-old's diaper, and then telling them not to poop their pants again. Really? REALLY? Puh-leez.
I also don't see where us heterosexuals get off telling gay people that they can't get married. Holy shit! 60+% of us heteros can't even get marriage to go right for us, and end up divorced, but we feel the need to tell the gay community that it is a "sacred vow that should be kept between a man and a woman"??? Seriously??? *scoff*
Not to mention that Phil Robertson has quite the jaded past, so it's ironic to hear his "born again" view point. My favorite thing in the world is someone who finds Jesus, and then thinks they can condemn everyone else's actions. **I'm lying**
Can we please just watch some ducks? Can we not really care that Phil Robertson doesn't like gay people? Can gay people realize that he is just Phil Robertson, and that what Phil Robertson has to say about gay people bears no weight on the character of the gay community? Can we all just agree that the world will likely not see a show about gay people shooting ducks, blowing up duck blinds, and ripping the legs off of bullfrogs, much like we will never see a show about Phil Robertson going on a shopping spree at Nordstrom? Why must everything be put on a political platform? IT DRIVES ME FLIPPING BANANAS!
I'm not condoning what Phil Robertson said, and I'm not saying that the gay community doesn't have grounds to be a little pissed, and have some ruffled feathers. However, can we all just take this for what it is...IT'S A REALITY TV SHOW, PEOPLE! If you want to get pissed off at something, get pissed off at TLC for making Honey Boo Boo!!!! At least THAT'S justifiable!
I just want to watch Duck Dynasty. Besides, would a man who is totally anti-gay really invent something like this?


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