Saturday, December 3, 2011

Move Over, Dr. McDreamy! You Just Got Cauterized With a Bovie Tip on 50/50 Cut/Coag Settings By The New Man In Town--DR. McDreamyCooties!!!

As a nurse, I have to often times work closely with doctors to help direct my patient's care. Sometimes this is fine. Sometimes...not so much. Most people who know me know that doctors are not some of my favorite people to deal with. I don't mind it now that I'm in Labor & Delivery, but I used to hate having to deal with them when I was full-time on the cardiac unit. I would really try my hardest to avoid them--unless my patient absolutely had to have new orders, or unless they were coding on me (AKA circling the drain of life/death). I have friends on the unit who have crushes on some of the docs. I have NEVER...EVER thought any of them were remotely cute or would be someone I would ever consider going out with. EVER.

I worked on the cardiac unit today. It was a busy day--par for the course for the unit. All of the sudden around 5 p.m. the universe stopped for a brief moment. I caught something in my peripheral vision so I looked up from my computer. Lo & Behold there he stood...the most beautiful man in a white doctor coat I had ever seen. He walked down the hall for a second looking at room numbers. I turned back to my charge nurse and said, "OMG!!!! Who is that doctor!???" She told me that he was an Infectious Disease doc that she hadn't seen before. Well holy crap!!!! Move over, Dr. McDreamy!!! You just got smoked by Dr. McDreamyCooties of the Land of Infectious Diseases!!!!

He came back to the nurses' station. He asked me if I was the nurse for the patients he was supposed to be rounding on. It just so happened I WAS. This sent my heart rhythm into atrial flutter. I had to give him report. As I was giving him report I felt like I was talking fast-- like a monkey who had just found an entire vending machine full of crack and Red Bull and over-indulged. I was trying to be professional. I was hoping I wasn't blushing. Then he interrupted my super professional report and said, "Where are you from? You have an accent...what is it?" (insert AMAZING, ADORABLE, SUPER SEXY GRIN and then **scratch record player needle across record surface at my attempt to be professional**) You might as well have put a Barbie Doll on a hot curling iron because that was how I felt! As melty as grilled cheese sitting in the sunlight on a hot Georgia sidewalk in June (I said that with my non-existent southern accent).

ACCENT? What accent? I didn't know I had one. Well, actually my patient earlier this morning had asked me the same thing--and still with him I was unaware that I had one. I wish I had had something amazing to tell this doctor--like that I was Irish, or English, or French, etc.--something way more romantic than the truth that was about to manifest itself. Out came the truth, and it sounded a little something like this, "Well, Dr. McDreamyCooties, I speak American mutt. It's a combination of California, Colorado, Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Alaska." At this point I would've expected him to blow me off like every other doctor has during my entire career on the cardiac unit, but he didn't. And he kept smiling, and pretended to be intrigued. 

 My coworker saw him, too, and was like, "OMG...who is that beautiful man?!!!" It was like for a moment all time had stopped on the cardiac unit...and the music from the Young and the Restless started playing in the background. We were all awestruck. AND HE WAS NICE!!! Where in the hell did this man come from? Didn't he get the, "And now that thou art a doctor thou shalt be a complete tool,  and be arrogant beyond all imagination. And thou shalt treat thy nursing staff like they are a giant pile of garbage, and make them feel like they have absolutely nothing resembling a brain in their cranial cavity" scripture that I'm sure was handed out to them in their diploma from medical school?

As he was rounding on my patients, my coworker and I couldn't stop talking about him. We were trying to figure out the quickest way that we could obtain an infectious disease so that he could round on us, too! I even told my charge nurse that I didn't care how many sets of blood cultures they had to draw on me to figure out what cooties were afflicting my health--it would be worth it!!!

A few minutes later my charge nurse asked me if I could go do something and I told her that I was temporarily unavailable to do so due to still being overly twitterpaited by Dr. McDreamyCooties (don't worry--she laughed...and then I had to go do what she asked me to do). Then every time my nurse friend would pass me in the hall after that she would say, "OMG...we so need to work on getting sick!!!" ;)

As I sat back down at my computer to finish my charting, he returned...and he walked toward me...and his adorable, sexy smile was bigger than ever. I gave him a quick smirk of a smile, and went back to my work.

AND THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM, PEOPLE!!! This is exactly the kind of potential goofy love deathtrap I am trying to avoid with all of my heart/mind/soul! This is the exact type of giant speed bump that could sabotage my dream of living happily ever after as a single chick on the Hawaiian Islands with nothing but my surfboard, bikini, and free beverages for life from the pina colada factory!!!!

And don't get me wrong-- I know how these Dr. McDreamyCooties types roll! He probably flirts with every doctor/nurse in the hospital and would end up giving me cooties!--which is why I'm back to being focused on moving to Kauai in 8 years as a single chick, and reclaiming what's left of my professional dignity that left me earlier today when the Red Bull and monkey crack kicked in. ;)

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