Who is CenturyLink? Hell if I know--they're just the alias company full of dingleberry monkey fluffers that I send hundreds of dollars every month in order to BUNDLE my internet with my DirecTV. For all I know they probably don't even exist--especially since my internet has been down, on-and-off now, for nearly two weeks. I should just send them a check every month via toilet and just flush the stupid money down the loo.
He told me that the problem was from the main power box that was located down the street from me. Sweet!--then I don't have to pay you, right? And I can take my bad self back to bed now, and you, Mr. CenturyLink, can go wash your eyeballs out with bleach, and look into that red light thingy that the Men In Black zap you with to erase my horrible picture from your memory. It's a win/win situation! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Wait--why are you still here?
**Back to bed I went...**
The call went a little something like this...
Let's continue with this story, shall we?
They transferred me to Bob. Who is Bob? Well I will tell you...
Anyway, Bob was the angel of mercy, sent to me by God, in an effort to maintain my sanity and keep my hair from turning grey. It took about 1.5 minutes for Bob (who ironically lives and works in the U.S.) to troubleshoot my situation, and hook me up with a new modem. Bob was also able to consult the Great and Powerful Oz of CenturyLink as to whether or not I rented or owned my modem. Turns out I rent it...SUCKAS!!!!! My new modem is on you fine folks!!!! Ka-CHING! I'll keep my $90.00. Kiss my monkey fluffer ______!!!!!!!
I explained to Bob that I had been shipped all over the world with my CenturyLink problem via telephone that day. At one point he had to put me on hold to find out some information, to which I replied, "Bob, I know where you work, and if you disconnect me I will hunt you down, and kill you." Bob said that he understood, and that he would call me right back if he dropped my call. Imagine that!...CUSTOMER SERVICE!
**dying of shock**
Bob hooked me up with a new modem (in less than 48 hours), and got me back into the land of the living via the internet. If not for Bob, you wouldn't be able to read this fine blog post.
PS: Save your snarky comments for someone who cares--after all, you're the nerdball who just spent goodness knows how long reading this stupid thing.
I've decided to sing/dedicate a Christmas song to Bob...
GLORY TO BOB, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST (speed internet connection)
Ok, I'm done.
CenturyLink, you should give me at least 2 months free so I can seek therapy, and get my hair dyed for all of this.
I'm back on the grid, people...I'M BACK!!! :)