Sunday, June 5, 2011

Oh Good Lord...Don't Be One Of THOSE Moms!!!! Incentive to Brave Your Way Through Bikini Season

"Ok, Whitney--what now? Why are you bossing us around again?"

I know, I know, I know. I'm bossy. What can I say? However, in case you haven't noticed, it's officially "swimsuit season" (insert crescendo**dun dun DUN!**). It's that glorious time of year when we all get to put on lycra-esque, underwear-looking thingys and head to the pool with our Junior Waterbugs (AKA our children). Not the most intimidating thing in the world if you are a 20-something who is kidless and ripped like Jennifer Aniston (I know she's not 20 but she has no kids and looks 20 so she's fair game for swimsuit season idolatry).  However, if you are a woman who has committed her body for 9 months or more to growing a child or children in your abdominal cavity you might not be totally stoked about throwing on your swim suit this year and playing the role of sexy lounge lizard at the pool. It's hard to do when you feel like you look like Porky Pig stuffed into sausage casing. And don't get pissed off at me for saying that--it doesn't matter how skinny you are, every woman on the planet has those days. There are at least 50 times a year I feel like Porky Pig stuffed into a sausage casing. We are women. We have hormones. It happens. Not only that, but we are SO critical of every single feature on our body. "I'm too fat. I have cellulite here, and here, and here. I hate my boobs. I have a big butt. I hate how my thighs look like saddle bags. My left big toe is deviated more than my right big toe. The part in my hair isn't straight and it looks like a cow licked my head. My nose is too big. My chin is too puffy. My eyes are too far apart. My teeth need to be whitened..."

HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP, BATGIRL!!!! It's amazing that with the crap ton of self deprecation we provide ourselves with on a daily basis that we have ANY SELF ESTEEM LEFT AT ALL!!! Long story short--we are too hard on ourselves. And it's pool season. The reason I am writing this blog is to encourage every woman to embrace your CURRENT body and GET OUT THERE.

 "What do you mean, "Get out there, Whitney? I took Junior Waterbug to the pool yesterday. What more do you want from me???"

 I want you to get out there and enjoy your summer. I want you to get out there and find the most amazing swimsuit that fits your body type, flatters your figure, and actually TAKE YOUR TENT MUMU COVER-UP OFF AT THE POOL and (wait for it....) acutally GET IN!!!!!

Yes, get into the dang pool. The whole purpose of me giving the title, "Good Lord...Don't Be One Of THOSE Moms!!!!" to this blog is that, REGARDLESS of your body and all your insecurities that accompany it, there is fun to be had out there this summer ladies. It's up to you to muster up the confidence and courage to GO FOR IT.

I grew up with a mother who was a Size 8. Yes--an 8. She refused to put a swimsuit on. My whole Junior Waterbug life I grew up with a mom who I never saw in a bathing suit. I had so much fun as a child playing in the pool and it killed me that my mom would never join me. I wanted her to come in and have fun along with me. However, she was too busy being self conscious and worrying about what "everyone else would think" about her if they saw her in a bathing suit to be involved in that part of my life. She would sit on a lounge chair, poolside, in JEANS, reading a book (she wouldn't even wear shorts...EVER).

DON'T BE ONE OF THOSE MOMS. You don't have to have the perfect body. Nobody has the perfect body. Oh...and PS--EVERYONE HAS CELLULITE. You're among friends. Yes, we women can be heartless, judgemental, snot heads when it comes to analyzing every other woman at the pool, but you know what???'s time to take your life back and GET IN THE GAME (AKA get into the pool...or the ocean...or a hot tub). You don't have to fling yourself onto a Slip-N-Slide and try to prove the Force=Mass X Acceleration "Newton's Law of Motion" equation in physics as you launch yourself off into outer space in your tankini, but GOOD LORD...DO SOMETHING RELATED TO WATER AND SUMMER FUN!!!

I'll let you in on a little secret. I have a community pool. I've had it for three years now. My children LOVE it. My favorite part is the hot tub. I love sitting in the hot tub and relaxing. My children have BEGGED me for the past two years to get into the pool with them and have fun...and every time they ask I have 900 reasons why I can't. I made a Summer 2011 resolution this year--I resolved to get into the pool with my children as much as possible and to participate in their summer swimming fun as much as possible. I realized that I HAD BECOME ONE OF THOSE MOMS!!! Ugh! There was no difference between my mom not participating in my pool fun and me lounging in the hot tub watching my kids' pool fun from the sidelines.

I've been in the pool every single trip this summer to play with my kids...and guess what? I HAVE HAD A BLAST. Every day my kids are SO excited to go to the pool and they say things like, "Mom! you want to dive for pennies again today? Do you want to play water ballerinas like we did yesterday? Do you want to race back and forth and swim laps today???" I didn't realize how much my going into the pool with my kids mattered to them until I realized that I HAD BECOME MY MOTHER.

I appreciate EVERY WOMAN who braves swimsuit season and looks past "what everyone else might think" in an effort to get into life and make memories with their family. Your kids don't care if you are 100 lbs. and cellulite free, or 400 lbs. with cottage cheese thighs. THEY WANT YOU WITH THEM. And you are beautiful. Time to put on your brave face, go bathing suit shopping, and hold your head high as you whip off that cover-up at the pool. Heck--give yourself a cute hairdo, buy some swanky shades that accent your killer swimsuit, add some cute wedge flip flops, and GET OUT THERE AND START LIVING IT UP. What everyone else thinks DOES NOT matter. You owe it to your kids and to YOURSELF to make fun memories that will last a lifetime.

Be like Nike....JUST DO IT. ;)


  1. Bravo! Bravo! Xoxo Michelle Tegs

  2. Hmmmm. What women think about another woman in a swim suit... is... not what men think about a woman in a swimsuit...

    Glad to hear you're in the pool, though; my mom wouldn't even go to the pool with me, and most days I ended up at the public pool via a 2 mile walk each way, pretty much every day of every summer, from 7th grade on.