Tuesday, June 28, 2011

OK...I Can't Handle This Anymore. I May Have Just Broken Up With My Boyfriend, But I Need to Blog, and I Need to Laugh--So Here Goes...

This is what happens when Lisa Rinna lets her dog accompany her to her dermatologist's office for collagen injections. It's only fun if you share with your furry friends!

This is precisely why I never open up any of my electronics. I don't understand technological mumbo jumbo, or how anything technologically advanced works. I'm pretty sure if I popped the top off of my computer I would find out that 4 Oompa Loompas are really the key to my wireless internet connection--much like this person found out that a computer mouse really does come with its own rodent inside. This is why they came up with the concept of the "roller ball mouse". Fluffy needed a toy in his office.

Silly Bush--the kitten was for Laura. Your crow is still on the grill. (See how nice I am? A Democrat who didn't make a joke with sexual innuendos about you eating a cat--you're welcome...now go get your crow, George. And I realize that over half of my friends are Republicans, so don't get all fired up about this. Look at it as we are really "cancelling out" each other's votes on election day, k? **Hugs**)

Awww...see...cute puppy picture. Now you have to like me again. Not so much? Ok.

"David Beckham??!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Can I have your autograph before you kick my head off?" This is what happens when the Humane Society combines fundraising events with MLS events (that's Major League Soccer--I know cuz I Googled it)

I saw a prairie dog doing this to one of it's pancaked comrades on the road one day. Super sad. Is this how you get Mad Chick disease?--because I think I have it. Just kidding. I only have it every 28 days. Sheesh--I can't even kid around with you people.

I didn't think you were supposed to play football this far into your pregnancy, but don't worry--I'm a labor and delivery nurse. I can help you. Just don't spike the baby in the end zone. PS--I didn't know Under Armour made maternity apparel. I'm always the last to know.

Oh, Whitney!!!! You're SO funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Stop. NO REALLY! STOP! I can't take it anymore! I think you just split one of my stripes. I think I just pee'd...and I don't have any kitty litter underneath me! Hee hee hee hee! Ho ho ho ho! Ha ha ha ha!
(See...he thinks I'm funny)

Ok, normally I don't put up a whole lot of Jesus stuff--especially because I hate the whole "crucifixion" concept. However, although these guys thought they were clever, they should really pray harder for correct answers before they dive right into a photo op with the Savior. Jesus specifically told me He wanted to be the "M", not the "Y". Don't be greedy--it's one of the seven deadly sins.

And just to prove to you that I know for a fact that He wanted to be the "M" in YMCA, it's because He's already been the "Y" at the University of Notre Dame. Actually, one of my friends captioned this photo once to say, "Touchdown, Jesus!". It is a football school, so that's probably what He really was saying. Either that or they just scored a field goal.

And this is why I'm flying Alaska Airlines to Maui. I like my moose to pull an igloo over the Pacific Ocean. That stretch buggy is WAY too heavy for one horse, BTW. Sheesh.

Oh my goodness. This is the first hippo I've seen with dark hair. And now that I've seen it I feel like I need IV antibiotics.

I bet you didn't know that I have a pocket ninja, did you? Be afraid...be VERY afraid. (PS he feels a little bit like a booger when he hits you--just to give you a heads-up)

This should certainly take care of any fear people have of dentists. On another note, did I ever tell you about the time that I took my 8 year old daughter into the doctor's office to have stitches removed from her chin and they sent me a nurse with a prosthetic hook arm to do the removal? Because they did. Now try to picture being 8 years old and seeing Captain Hookette coming after your face with scissors. True story. I can't make this up. My daughter screamed so loud I had to take her home and remove them myself. That will be $800.00 please. I should've charged them for therapy.

Don't worry--we put a bucket of water underneath him in case he fell. And don't even think about calling PETA--we put a hamster snorkel in the bucket of water. Good lord--we're not THAT mean. This was part of the huge expo at this year's "House Pet Darwin Awards". Eventually we showed mercy and put Skippy back on his wheel in his aquarium thingy. We even gave him extra fresh wood chips and a Nalgene BPA- free water bottle with that little ball bearing that had Crest White Gel on it for being a good sport. Our hamster has the whitest teeth this side of Appalachia. If he wins next year he gets Invisalign teeth.

You're right--there is nothing funny about you. You're a monkey that has cheese with a frowny face on it between your legs. I don't get it. I guess maybe if it were Swiss cheese it might be funny. Let me think about it for a minute--nope...still not funny.

I hate it when they show this picture of me. First of all--I hate my bangs. Every time I get them I regret them. Second, this was not my best choice for bikini colors--the orange on orange really washes me out. Of course I didn't find this out until I consulted the fashion experts on Jersey Shore, but at least I finally figured it out. Third--that's not my best smile. Usually it's a little softer. It's close to my best smile, but not quite.

And last, but not least, this just proves that polar bears can't read. Because of that, I don't think they can sue for damages. This bear actually looks like he/she is screaming. Sorry, I couldn't zoom the photo to get it anatomically correct--not only that but I don't know what polar bear junk looks like and I'm not going to google that because I'm afraid of what will show up. Well...I'm sure he/she earned his native name after this. He/she is now known as "Falling Bear". Get it?...Falling Bear?...cuz he/she fell. I thought it was funny (not really...I'm just tired and all blogged out).

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