Friday, May 20, 2011

"Hey Little Girl, You Want Some Champagne???": How I Was Lured Into Michael Kors And Hoodwinked Into Buying Amazing Footwear

I remember when my parents first gave me safety lessons on "stranger danger" stating that if anyone ever came up to me and said, "Hey little girl, would you like some candy?" that I was to run away as fast as I could, screaming my head off, and locate the nearest adult (one who wasn't offering me candy, presumably). I should've heeded this advice today--it would've saved me some money.

I went to lunch with my best friend, my sister, and my daughter today at the Norstrom Bistro. After we finished lunch we decided to go down to the shoe department to oogle, drool over, and molest most of the shoe merchandise. I actually found an amazing pair of Prada heels for a mere $1150. Such a great deal--it was hard to keep me from running straight to the cash register (and I'm lying--I find it odd that a pair of shoes can equal the monthly car payment of two's a tad excessive). We oogled, drooled, and molested shoes. Then we oogled, drooled and molested some more shoes. I was proud of us though--nobody tried on or purchased a single pair. We were being so responsible--I almost didn't recognize us.

Then it was off to Tiffany & CO. I am divorced, and my beautiful Tiffany solitaire platinum engagement ring has been tucked away for nearly three years now. I love that ring. It's absolutely gorgeous. I think my ring loves me, too. I don't think it was ready to get divorced because it knew it was going to be locked away in some kind of reject platinum prison as punishment. Sometimes I think I hear it whimpering and crying to me at night because it's lonely (No I don't--it's just a story--I know rings don't talk. "Yes they do." No they don't. "Yours does." No it doesn't. Shhhhh. People are going to think you're crazy. "Really? Hmmm."). So yes, went to Tiff's sent my lovely beauty off to be resized into a right hand ring. In two weeks I will be able to wear it and feel complete again. I bid audieu to the Platinum Police security guards that arm the doors at Tiffany & Company in their dapper suits with little satin hankies tucked into the breast pocket. I actually like those guys. A nice change from the metal detectors and actual policeman that they have at, take for instance, Marshall's Department Store. Maybe the next time I see them I'll ask them to please pin a satin hanky to their police badge and then maybe I'll consider shopping there. I digress...

Then it was off to Tommy Bahama. It was a quick tropical getaway in that store, and it smelled abso-freakin'-loutely delicious in there. Pinapple, coconut, and hibiscus scents from candles and oils all wafting through the air. All that was missing was a pina colada, woven seagrass terrace furniture, and tiki lights. I would've camped out for a while--assuming I didn't have to pick up the twins from school...which I did have to so it was on to another store!!!

**The clouds parted**The angels started singing**A light shown down upon THE MICHAEL KORS STORE**: You guessed it. Michael Kors--the mecca for a boatload of beautiful accessories. It happens to be my sister's favorite store, so naturally, being the loving sister that she is, it's only fair if she lures me in and makes me spend a bunch of money in there, too. Frivolousness love company, right? So in we go--and a repeat oogling of amazing footwear begins. The guys who work at the store were joking around with us and then said, "It's beautiful day! Perfect for a mimosa or champagne! Would you care for a glass?" My sister and I looked at one another and were like, "Is he kidding?...because he said the "C" word to us and we take that very seriously." He was not kidding. He lined up 6 beautiful pairs of shoes for me to try on and as I was sitting there trying to decide which pair I wanted to try on first, his coworker came out from the back with two flutes of champagne and handed them to me and to my sister. He also brought a glass of spring water out to my oldest daughter. It was AMAZING! She even said, "Mom...when I turn 21 can we come here to buy shoes and sip champagne? I've always dreamed of shopping like that." To which I replied, "Absolutely."

O-M-G...the only thing better than trying on amazing shoes is trying on amazing shoes while simultaneously sipping champagne!!! I had tried on three pair and had approximately half the glass of champagne consumed when I decided to try on the black, leather, peep toe, stiletto that you can reference in the photograph above. As I was trying them on I started to feel a little "bubbly" from the champagne and looked at the salesman and said, "You do realize that you are giving me champagne and I'm trying on a six inch heel that is going to throw my balance off--isn't that a liability?" He laughed and I teetered over to the mirror and was like, "SHA-BAM!!!! These things are fabulous!!! I'll take them!!!"

As he finished ringing me up I saw my total on the little credit card pad in front of me and was waiting for the line with the X to pop up so I could sign my name. He was like, "Uh, ma'am, you have to swipe your card first." Sure enough, I looked down and I had my card just lying there on the counter. I started to laugh and said, "Listen here, Mr.--don't feed me champagne and then expect that I'm actually going to just KNOW how these things work." Apparently my "blondeness" goes off the chart when enhanced with champagne.

So, yes--I ended up with a pair of shoes that I had absolutely no intention of buying today and I blame it all on my sister, Michael Kors, my parents for not teaching me proper "stranger danger" for people over the age of 21, and the two champagne pushers disguised as shoe salesmen at the Michael Kors store. I done got hoodwinked. But they are FaBuLoUs!!!! *SHRUG*

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