Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Say It Ain't So!!!! Princess BeatRice Is Auctioning Off Her Wedding Hat? Take A Number, People--There's Only One Uterus/Octopus/Fettuccini Hat...We Can't ALL Be Lucky Enough To Purchase It!!!

'Tis true, 'tis true--Princess BeatRice is auctioning off her hat from the Royal Wedding. With such a lovely chapeau, it is going to be really difficult for me not to book the next flight to the UK and beg her to give it to me before the auction is a done deal. I just recently cleaned out my closet and found out that I don't own one of these--AND IT'S A MUST-HAVE!!!

As you can clearly see from this picture, this hat (or shall we call it forehead-weigher-downer) is lovely. Some of the locals did shriek and start to make time because when Princess BeatRice's vehicle drove by they got confused and thought it was the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, but it just turned out to be BeatRice in a low clearance vehicle that couldn't accommodate the height of her hat so she had to tilt her head forward like that. She wasn't really charging at them. Silly commoners...

As a matter of fact, the hat was so fetching that everyone else had to get one, too. The way Pippa Middleton looks in this photo is absolutely breathtaking. I heard later from internal sources that she was beside herself that she hadn't thought to wear a similar hat to BeatRice's through the entire ceremony. She also had a giant foam finger that she had intended to wear that went by the wayside amidst all the wedding chaos. Quite a shame, really. It would've really stepped up her part in the whole "Royal Wedding" thing.

It turns out that BeatRice's hat has caught on quite well here in the U.S. as well. Most government officials have replaced "Hawaiian Shirt Friday" with "BeatRice Hat Friday". It's really breathed new life into our government, as well as provided unity among our Nation's leaders.

Some of the photographs from the wedding were amazing. Here is Princess BeatRice with her twin sister, Princess Medusa Mae. They looked stunning--and so happy. Part of the reason I want to purchase this hat so badly is due to the fact that I want to be THAT happy. Oh envy...You're killing me.

I truly believe, and know in my heart, that Princess BeatRice will look back at her decision to go with this hat and be super pleased with herself. The way the artist here has captured the very essence of BeatRice's beauty is unbelievable. I'm certain she will have this portrait enlarged and hung above her bed as a daily reminder of how she out-classed all the royals on "The Big Day".

There is just something about Princess BeatRice's head. Not only does it need to be adorned with over-the-top hats as was the case with the Royal Wedding, but she has a very ethereal vibe to her very nature. As you can see here, a drove of beautiful butterflies has stopped along their migratory pattern to feed on the beauty of Princess BeatRice. It's truly a beautiful sight to behold, and so rarely captured this well on camera.

Rumor has it that Princess BeatRice was feeling a bit left out on the day of the Royal Wedding (her mum and dad said that was the reason she had to go big with the hat--otherwise nobody would've recognized her and given her the proper attention she deserved). However, fear not...later that evening the princess actually received a proposal from the Royal Aquarium Octopus. He couldn't resist keeping his eyes and arm and arm and arm and arm and arm and arm and arm and arm off of her all night. It was all to do with the hat...

And last but not least--what I really think she will be feeling about 20 years from now. I know that we don't know one another, Princess BeatRice, but I'd like to place my bid for your wedding hat now. I have $1.50 in U.S. currency, 4 dried up gummy bears, 3 unused Qtips, a used nail file, 1/2 a bottle of Juicy Couture perfume, and a stick of gum. Did I win the hat? NO?????...bummer.

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