Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Thrill of Brazil: Leave It To Me To Take The "Taboo" Out of Bikini Waxing

 Waxing. All the cool kids are doing it. I'm talking about bikini waxing, to be more specific. I've always been a meticulous shaver and I've owned the entire line of Venus razors *insert Bananarama song here*. I hadn't thought much about waxing until one day while sipping wine and sharing girl talk with one of my best friends she stated, "Oh Whit! You have to try it!!!" and then she followed it up with, "Once you start, you'll never be able to stop--it's addicting!!!"

I was skeptical, but decided to go ahead try it anyway. It didn't sound all that thrilling to me, and as a matter of fact, the anticipation of A.) being naked in front of random waxing strangers, and B.) getting every hair in my southern region ripped off my body was a lot to handle at first. As a matter of fact, the very first waxing studio I ever went to had a huge bowl of Wint-O-Green Life Savers in the lobby/waiting area and I was pretty sure it was a metaphor of what I was going to need once they got me back behind closed doors. They came out and called my name in the lobby. I took a deep breath, blew it out through pursed lips and thought, "Here goes nothing!". What I should've thought was, "Here goes everything..." because that's exactly what I was paying them to do--TAKE IT ALL OFF, BABY!!!

I've been through three waxing studios up to this point. Not because they all sucked and left me with a bad hairdo or anything. It's simply that Brazilian bikini waxing can be expensive and if you've read my other blogs on extreme couponing or getting high-end fashion on a dime you know that I am someone who likes to get a good deal when I can.

The first studio I went to was great. Really friendly gals--which was good, because it's important to feel comfortable when you are naked around strangers. We'd talk about my job...*RIP!*. We'd talk about my boyfriend...*RIP!*. We'd talk about the weather...*RIP!* Although chatting is a great deterrent, it feels a little strange to be having a conversation with people when they are spelunking in your private parts, applying hot wax to your groin and ripping it off. Anyway, they were really good at this studio, but they were pricey and a long drive from my house so I decided to find another studio closer to home.

The second studio I went to was great, too. I actually had a gal who used to wax movie stars and snooty falooty people in Beverly Hills. She was amazing, and super meticulous. So meticulous in fact that I would have to close my eyes and go to my happy place to pretend what was happening to me wasn't really happening to me. I actually got the "hot sugar" wax at this studio. Instead of pasting the hot purplish/blue wax on with the tongue depressors, they grab this giant glob of what looks like clear snot and start rubbing it on you and then *RIP!!!!* "EEeeeeeeeP!!!" I think it hurts worse than the wax--though many disagree with me on this. Anyway, that wasn't why I'd have to close my eyes and go to my happy place. It was because at the end of the sugar waxing she would get some tweezers and get within about an inch of me with her face and start finding any little straggler hairs that were clinging on for dear life and start tweezing them out one by one. I was bald as a billiard ball by the time Ms. Beverly Hills got done with me. Painful? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Did it freak me out to lay there and have her so close I could feel her breath on me? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!!!! That studio was also more expensive than the first, and though it was closer to my home the increased cost just wasn't worth it to me anymore.

On to studio number three! I had been at work last week and a gal there had recommended this waxing studio that happens to be close to my home and they had AMAZING prices. Unheard of in my experience with Brazilians thus far. I went today and had a gal who had that fire red colored hair that Rihanna decided to make popular recently--you know...the one that looks like you're wearing a Ronald McDonald wig? Yeah, that one. She also had a tongue piercing which gave her a self-inflicted speech impediment so it made it pretty funny to listen to her explain things as she walked me through the procedure ("Now you thee, I'm going to be waxthing you here and then pull thith back. Any quethtons?). The waxing on the front side went fine. Then it was time for the backside. "BACKSIDE, WHITNEY?...what do you mean, BACKSIDE???" I mean that these folks don't leave a single hair on your body and so once you get done with the fun of the FRONTSIDE you get to flip over and have some more fun on the BACKSIDE. I hate this part of the Brazilian. I love the results but the only thing more intimidating than getting naked and lying in front of strangers facing upward is getting naked and lying on your stomach in front of strangers with your backside in someone's face. I must say though, lying on my backside at Studio #3 is way better than what they asked me to do at Studio #2. When it was time to do the backside at Studio #2 the gal asked, while I was lying face up, to grab behind both my knees, pull them up into the air, and roll them back up by my ears. My jaw dropped to the floor. I was like, "Come again say what? You want me to do WHAT?" Yeah--wasn't going to happen. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable going all "Cirque de Soleil" for my waxing so she let me lie down on my side instead. Probably not as great a job as could've been done had I stuck everything God gave me up in the air, but at least I still had my dignity. Back to Studio #3 and my backside--so yes, she had me lie face down and then asked me if I would "help" by grabbing my backside so she could focus on her wax application. I had to go to my happy place again and pretend that I was in Maui instead of lying there with my booty in someone's face and groping myself to boot. I felt her apply the wax. Then I was like, "What? What is she?...Is she?...She's fanning me. She's fanning my butt to get the wax to dry more quickly. O-M-G." Yes, I Whitney, got my butt fanned today. Ugh. And then of course came the *RIP!!!* Yee-haw, sisters. Yee-haw.

So yes, through the ripping, and the pulling, and the "YIPES" and the "EEeeeePs!!!" comes the Thrill of Brazil. I keep going back. Why? Because they are addicting. Once you've had the freedom from the razor and not having to worry about anything down in that region as far as grooming goes it's all worth it.

"Why Whitney--why on earth would you talk about this on your blog???" Because not only am I a big fan of Brazilians, but people often times are curious about them and like to hear it from someone who has actually been through one. And I thought it was funny. And I figured if Oprah could talk about things like Massengill on her show and people still liked her, then I could talk about getting a hoo ha wax on my blog and people would still like me. What can I say--I'm a risk taker. ;)

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