Friday, April 9, 2010

By the way, I'm going to Philadelphia...

I caught a news blip the other day on television (on CNN me thinks) talking about how they are going to increase airport security by having people walk through scanners that will literally show people with no clothing on (cue flashbacks of the ancient movie "Airplane"). This all happened after the most recent terror scare where a crazy woman decided that she was going to try to put a new spin on the whole 'terrorist' thing by being the first white, female, redneck dork to cause more problems for America at the airport. Whether this whole new scanning process is total rumor/hypothetical or not, I don't know. I also heard that we should not be concerned because certain parts of our bodies would be "blurred out" so that the TSA workers could not see them--to which I thought, "Yeah basically you're going to blur out my left eye and right nostril meanwhile you'll be oogling the rest of my goodies. Awesome. I feel much better." Then I started to think, "You know, these guys/gals already sit there with rubber gloves on--why not just include a free pelvic exam or ultrasound for every woman. You already make us take our shoes off and strip down to basically nothing--just make us put a paper gown on and have an examining table with stirrups at the end of the security line. That way nobody can get away with anything. I mean, women are super unpredictable. You never know when we're going to try to make it through security with a bottle of Evian where the sun don't shine, or even perhaps a shampoo bottle that is 5 ounces instead of the alloted 3.4 ounces. Or worse embryo or fetus." You're already going to see me naked, TSA--why not give me a free examination, too? However, I might make you buy me dinner afterwards.

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