Monday, April 25, 2011

Sorry, Lauren Conrad, But I Tried and Failed: Adventures of Whitney Cleaning Out Her Closet

As some of you know, I recently took a trip up to Wasilla, Alaska to interview for nursing jobs. While I was up there the wind was blowing about 100 mph and I didn't want to leave my little cottage on top of the bluff that I was staying at--it seemed much smarter just to curl up with a good book by the fire and RELAX.

The book I chose to read while I was up there was, "Style--by Lauren Conrad". Many of you know that I am a fashionista through and through. I love love love fashion and I dress up anytime I can. I'm just not a jeans and flip flops kind of girl most of the time (although if you could ever see me at home it is my FIRM rule that the moment I am through the door the amazing fashion comes OFF and the yoga pants and tee go ON). So, yes, I read the book while I was up there and loved the section on cleaning out your closet and being methodical about it. I happened to, at the time, have my walk-in closet in a state of utter distress. So much so that if a closet could actually be personified mine would be frowning, waving a white flag, and have "God is Nigh" funeral music playing in the background. I decided to follow Lauren's advice and one day tackled my closet accordingly.

I spent an ENTIRE DAY going through everything that I owned--shoes, clothing, unmentionables--you name it. It either got tried on, thought about hard, or tossed out willy nilly because I hadn't worn it in upwards of six months or more. I made strategic piles--one for the garbage (including the unmentionables--I'm all about charity but I wasn't going to Goodwill my used panties, folks!!!), one pile for the consignment shop (all of my higher-end to high-end clothing that was in great shape that could potentially fetch a price), and one pile for the tailor to have alterations made (clothing that I love but that I no longer fit into because it's a size or two too big).

I devoted one entire day to taking my clothing to consignment shops. First stop was a shop that was directed at teen to early twenty-somethings. Not because I own clothing that I feel is appropriate for that age group, but more because there are some stores that carry both teen and women's clothing so LABEL-WISE they had a chance of being sold there. I hauled in a ton of bags to the store. They told me that the wait would be over an hour and that I had to stay in the store the entire time. "Fine. Whatever. Ok...I'll play. Just what I wanted to do on my day off--spend and entire day in a store that sells used clothing. The only thing better is the smells that go along with the used clothing." (no...I didn't really say this--this is where it helps not to have Turrets Syndrome...but I was certainly thinking and feeling it). At the end of this long wait, and after inhaling all of the wonderful scents from the clothing dropped off by numerous smoking teenagers and teens who love to play with perfume MY NAME WAS CALLED TO THE COUNTER FOR MY FINAL TALLY...and I made out with taking most of my clothes back out to my car and $5.26 for a skirt and a pair of shorts that they kept. Awesome. I'll try not to spend it all in one place. After they paid me this huge sum of cash they told me that most of my clothes were "WOMEN'S" clothing. Well HALLELUJAH!!!! Cuz I just happen to be one of those. So off to the WOMEN'S consignment shop I went...

After a deja vu moment of hauling loads of my clothing into the Women's Consignment Shop I looked around and realized, "Uh oh...I don't think I'm old enough to be in here." I had just come from "Teen Queen Katy Perry Wannabe Land" and was now flung into the "Land of Efferdent and Super Polygrip". Really? Ok...again--I'll play. Mostly because I just hauled all these flipping bags in here. Luckily, the guy at the counter told me they would go through my things and call me when they were done. I received the call later that night and went back to the store to pick up the remaining items--which was nearly everything I had brought into them. As he cashed me out at the register he handed me $21.46 and said, "I'm sorry--but most of the clothing that you have is for younger people."

Ok--let me get this straight. I take my stuff to the "Younger People" consignment shop and they tell me that my clothing is for "Older People". I take my clothing to the "Older People" consignment shop and they tell me that my clothing is for "Younger People". It's too bad that my focus in life is not on resale fashion merchandising because I would have one heck of a killer consignment shop called, "30 Somethings". BUT...after my two experiences in the consignment shops I couldn't stand to go home smelling like that everyday--and I'm a nurse so that's really saying something.

Well, Lauren Conrad, I tried. Now all I have is a car full of clothing and $26.72. I haven't even made it to the tailor yet with all my "Tailoring Pile" so they are all hanging from the moulding around my bedroom door and I hit my head on the clothing every time I try to walk out of my room. Not only that, but the new Athleta catalog came out today and is full of killer dresses so out with the old and in with the new--this fashionista is going to forego the tailor and hit the shopping!!!

HEY WHITNEY, WHAT DO YA SAY, WE ALL WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU LEARNED TODAY. WE'RE ALL EARS SO COME ON TAKE IT AWAY, WE ALL WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU LEANED TODAY (you're welcome--that was to the theme song of JoJo's Circus on Disney Channel). So here's the dealio: I've learned that next time I clean out my closet that Goodwill is going to get a ton of amazing clothing. As much as $26.72 is nothing to sneeze at in today's crappy economy, it's not worth the hours out of my life that it took to acquire it. It's also not worth all the smells I had to smell to get it. Lauren Conrad--I adore you, but I'm going back to the Whitney Method of closet cleaning and heading to one store (Goodwill) and the garbage bin with my panties.

The good news?...My closet looks completely fabulous. :)

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